In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct 13, 2011 / 15 Tishrei, 5772

Stupid things men say to pregnant women

By John Kass

John Kass

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My young assistant, Shooter, has been making many lists lately, telling me where she put this file and that file, and just the other night as she left work, she offered me yet another.

The list of "Stupid Things Men Say to Pregnant Women."

"It's a work in progress," she said, heavy with child. "We could add to it."

Naturally, I was deathly afraid I was on her list for saying something stupid about flip-flops in the office, so I quietly edged away from Shooter and considered the last nine months and all the stupid things I probably said.

OK, I give up. How many stupid things did I say?

"Your stupid thing is No. 5," she told me.

Shooter is my legman, the tenacious young reporter who helps me with the column. There have been several such legmen over the years, all of them tenacious, beginning with the legendary Slim the Legman, then Mrs. Flynn, the Swede, Spartacus, Wings and now Shooter.

The interesting thing about Shooter - who loves to play craps in Las Vegas - is she found out she was pregnant in January. And by coincidence, that's the same week I quit smoking for good. What fun.

We work long hours on deadline in a little office about the size of a broom closet. And when she was feeling nauseous, I was having nicotine withdrawals.

Later, as her nausea subsided, I toyed with the idea of writing a series of columns about our experience, sort of a "What Kind of Stupid Things to Expect Your Boss Who Quit Smoking Will Say When You're Expecting, As You Both Eat More Pie."

Instead, Shooter quietly compiled her list of "Stupid Things Men Say to Pregnant Women":

Stupid Thing No. 1. Just got home around 8:30 after a long day of working and (barfing) and husband says, "So, when do you want to have another one?"

Stupid Thing No. 2. Random guy on Michigan Avenue: "Are you having twins? Are you sure?"

Stupid Thing No. 3. Shooter is eating dinner with her mom, dad and yia-yia (grandmother), as they talk about Shooter having already packed a bag for the hospital.

Shooter's dad: "Yeah. And you should pack a Sudoku puzzle or something. You know, you might have a lot of waiting time."

Shooter nobly resists the urge to stab her father in the hand with a fork.

Stupid Thing No. 4. Shooter's skinny husband, Dr. Pete, says, "I think I need to lose some weight. My pants are a little tight."

Stupid Thing No. 5. Shooter's Stupid Columnist Boss takes her to Shaw's for lunch and orders iced raw oysters.

Stupid Boss: "Shooter? These are really, really good. Fresh. You can taste the sea. Do you like oysters?"

Shooter: "Yes."

Stupid Boss. "Mmmm. These are so good. Oh, can you eat raw oysters when you're pregnant?"

Shooter: "No."

She would have liked Shaw's well enough before she was expecting, but then, things change. And if you're a man and ask why, then all you're doing is proving that you have the capacity to say stupid things to pregnant women.

So don't question. It just is, that's all.

But with me quitting smoking and Shooter pregnant, at least we had month after month of excellent meals. She learned of the peppers and sausage and the risotto at Volare, the meats and various cheeses at The Purple Pig, the New Orleans beignets at Grand Lux Cafe, the pies at Joe's Stone Crab, the green curry beef at Star of Siam, that killer 12-buck sushi lunch at Oysy and so on and so on.

After nine months of this, I now require a combination of three mirrors to see the tops of my shoes, so I'm going back on that South Beach diet.

But like I told Dr. Pete, when the baby arrives, be like the wolf. Bring the rabbits to the cave. Keep your mouth shut. And do exactly what she says.

"Rabbits to the cave?" asked Dr. Pete. "I don't understand."

He will.

A few hours after Shooter made the list of stupid things, she began texting me, furiously:

"You've got all the passwords and I have the source list and the documents from the police story are on my desk top and we'll get more documents over the weekend. We will see. I have the binder with your clipped columns. Almost up to date. Just have to do last three weeks "

By then, she was at the hospital, dilating, about ready to give birth, but still compelled to type on the BlackBerry. It was the reporter in her, trying to get that one last story. Don't question it. Or you'd be saying something stupid.

And then, it happened. Born to Shooter and Dr. Pete was a beautiful baby boy with a full head of hair like some mountain warrior.

His name? Constantine Angelo "Dean" Lourgos.

That just so happens to be a great soccer name. So don't be surprised if you see him playing midfield for the U.S. men's national team in about 20 years.

If I ask Shooter to let me tie a soccer ball to his left foot, so he develops before the other kids, would that be stupid?

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.


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