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Jewish World Review
A picture is worth $1,000 for retouching
By
Celia Rivenbark
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
While I admit to liking "the Facebook" just fine, there's one thing I'm not crazy about. Friends can "tag" pictures of you, pretty much putting them out there for the world to see. Is it hopelessly vain to be distressed to see a photo of me on Facebook taken at my recent class reunion in which I have half-open eyes, lady-wrestler arms and, apparently, the beginnings of a fairly significant goiter? I thought not.
Now I know how poor Britney feels when those snots at "In Touch" magazine giggle over her deodorant-streaked armpits just so they can write a cheesy caption like "Ban-ned in Boston!"
There is a way, I think, to delete photos you don't like but the Princess refuses to explain the process to me ever since I joined the Facebook group: "Dear Lord, if we give you Justin Beiber, will you let us have Johnny Cash back"? Well. I thought it was funny.
I have to admit when I saw that ghastly picture on Facebook, I realized I must've done something horrible to the classmate who took the picture. Had she waited (cough, cough) years for revenge? The photo was so hideous, it was honestly "Carrie" levels of high school get-even is all I'm saying. In fact, a bucket of bloody pig entrails dumped on my head would've looked better AND had the advantage of masking the faux goiter.
It's possible that the princess may have inherited my vain streak because just today she announced that she wanted me to "be sure and buy" the "Premium Retouched" school pictures which, for an additional $15, promise to remove blemishes, scars, fly-away hair, whiten dull teeth and even out skin tone.
"But you don't have fly-away hair," I said, which seemed to make her mad. Sometimes teenagers have no sense of humor.
The school picture biz is a lot more complicated than it was when I was in high school. Back in the day, you were shoved onto a stool while a middle-aged guy, talking while a cigarette bounced around on his lower lip, told you in a flat voice to "smile." The whole process took about three and a half seconds. Now, we must decide if we want the retouching, if we want her name in gold on the front of the photo (silly), the color of the background (prison gray is no extra charge), choice of poses and whether we'd also like to order the photo on a coffee mug, mouse pad or paperweight.
Church directory pictures aren't quite as bad because you see them right away and I find it helpful to spend at least an hour discussing poses and retouching options with the photographer. This is vexing to the families in line behind us but, really, does anyone want to see a bad church directory picture of me? What? You don't care? Man, you're selfish.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services
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