Jewish World Review Oct. 17, 2007 / 5 Mar-Cheshvan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Paris Hilton announced Monday she will make a goodwill visit to health clinics in Africa next month. No wonder we're hated all over the world. The continent is dying of sexually transmitted disease and we're sending Paris Hilton to check on them.
Adolf Hitler's globe will be sold at auction in San Francisco next month. A Bay Area soldier found it inside the Fuhrer's bombed-out office when the war ended and took it home. It is described in the auction catalogue as a real conversation starter.
Michelle Wie was dropped by the agent assigned by the William Morris Agency to handle her career and endorsements on Monday. A man's got to eat. Michelle Wie's golf earnings are so low that her agent's been living on ten percent of her allowance.
Senator Larry Craig went on NBC News Tuesday to explain his side of the men's room arrest. He said he's a victim of profiling. The undercover cop in the next stall heard his feet tapping on one-three and knew he'd reeled in a Great White.
O.J. Simpson learned Monday a second co-defendant will testify against him. It's no big deal. O.J. will have no trouble convincing a jury he was looking for the real killer when he accidentally walked in on an armed robbery at the Palace Station hotel.
Los Angeles endured a massive Interstate 5 tunnel fire Sunday that stopped all truck traffic coming into town from the north. People in Los Angeles watched the conflagration more out of curiosity than concern. The cocaine comes in from the south.
The Hill newspaper said Republicans will target Hillary Clinton for telephone snooping on political opponents fifteen years ago. They say she's a hypocrite for opposing President Bush's surveillance program. There will be no peace until Baby Boomers stop pointing fingers at each other and admit we're all Nixon's children.
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton