Jewish World Review Oct. 21, 2005 / 18 Tishrei, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
NBA Commissioner David Stern issued a player dress code
Monday to help clean up the league image. Before you buy a used
car, punch all the radio buttons. If all the buttons are set to
hip-hop stations, check the front grille for bullet holes.
The Oklahoma Lottery was held for the first time this week
with results that warmed everybody's hearts. A man who just lost
his home to Hurricane Katrina won the first-prize jackpot of
twenty-five thousand dollars. He's set for November.
ABC's Commander in Chief hired former National Security
Advisor Sandy Berger as story consultant. He was recently caught
stuffing National Archives documents in his pants. Everybody wants
to look their best for their Hollywood job interviews.
Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers admitted Tuesday she was
suspended from the Washington D.C. bar association for failure to
pay her monthly dues. She was once suspended by the Texas bar for
failure to pay her dues. If she believed in paying her dues she
never would have accepted the nomination for the Supreme Court.
Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor was named Grand
Marshal of the Rose Parade in Pasadena in January. What a traffic
nightmare. Every time they reach an intersection the parade will
stop while she decides whether to turn left or right.
The House of Representatives passed a bill Thursday to curb federal lawsuits against restaurants for causing obesity and high cholesterol. It's no problem in California. Most people in Los Angeles drive too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton