Jewish World Review Oct. 10, 2005 / 7 Tishrei, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded Friday to Mohammed
ElBaradei for his work as the United Nations nuclear inspector. He
hasn't done that great a job. Los Angeles just outbid London and
New York and Paris to be host city of the Apocalypse.
Beverly Hills signed a deal Friday to market its shield
logo, which symbolizes security. The city is impervious to
terrorism. If anybody in Beverly Hills gets anthrax mailed to them
they inject it into a wrinkle immediately to see if it helps.
President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Hungary
Friday. He also phoned the president of Turkey. This is how far he
has to go to find people who agree with him that Harriet Miers is
the most qualified candidate for the U.S. Supreme Court.
New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin announced Friday he wants to
legalize Las Vegas-style casino gambling at the largest New
Orleans hotels. What an action junkie this guy is. You would think
that those Category Three levees would be gamble enough.
Tom Cruise rushed to the microphones in Hollywood Tuesday to
announce he and fiancee Katie Holmes have conceived. It makes a
lot of people wonder. London bookmakers posted three-to-one odds
that the baby's astrological sign will be Pyrex.
Washington D.C.'s former mayor Marion Barry found himself
under investigation by the IRS on Thursday for not filing tax
returns for years. He dreams of someday being a famous
industrialist. He manages a couple of chemical plants on his balcony.
CBS News reported Tuesday the average price of gasoline
passed three dollars a gallon this month. It doesn't change
anything in Beverly Hills. George Hamilton has already quietly
arranged to get the bicycle rack closest to the door at Spago.
Al Gore addressed the We Media conference in New York on Wednesday. He said American democracy is in grave danger because TV news spends all its time on Robert Blake, Michael Jackson and the Runaway Bride. His speech was pre-empted on CNN by coverage of O.J. Simpson signing autographs at a comic book convention in Los Angeles.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton