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Jewish World Review Oct. 25, 2004 / 10 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Illinois's fish industry went on alert Tuesday after a vicious Asian Snakehead fish from Asia was netted in Lake Michigan. No one suggested dredging the lake. The Democrats would never disturb a Teamsters burial ground so close to an election.

The FBI on Friday began running security checks on all foreigners who enroll in flight school. That only took three years. The policy was delayed until the government finished implementing the recommendations of the Pearl Harbor Commission.

Bill Clinton lobbied Friday to be selected the next U.N. Secretary-General. It would give him diplomatic immunity from United States law at the workplace. He's trying to get the job before Bill O'Reilly and Arnold Schwarzenegger find out about it.

The White House got word Wednesday that Chiron Lab may not be able to supply the United States with any flu vaccine next year either. It's just as well. The popularity of reality television suggests that it's time to thin out the herd anyway.

John Kerry drank beer with the guys Wednesday and watched the Boston Red Sox on TV. He tries hard not to appear snooty. However, when he went to the grocery store to get some hamburgers, he asked the butcher for two pounds of Ground Charles.

The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil hit fifty-three dollars a barrel on Tuesday due to shortfalls in supply. Commodities are soaring. Milk may be going up fifty cents a gallon in the first sign that Saudi Arabia has begun raising cows.

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