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Jewish World Review Oct. 22, 2004 / 7 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Los Angeles got a huge wallop from El Nino storms Wednesday. Conditions were miserable. The flu vaccine had just arrived in Beverly Hills and people waited in the pouring rain to have it injected into their wrinkles to see if it would help.

The Boston Red Sox beat the New York Yankees for the American League pennant Wednesday. What a comeback. John Kerry telephoned the locker room afterwards to explain he actually voted for giving up after three games before he voted against it.

The New York Yankees lost the final game of the American League championship Wednesday. They blew a three games to nothing lead in the series. This week if a New York Yankees fan tells you it's his bridge night it could mean cards or jumping.

Barry Bonds took performance enhancing drugs, according to an audiotape confession by his personal trainer that was leaked Sunday. He insists he doesn't put any foreign substances in his body. Everything he takes was made right here in the good old USA.

John Kerry told a Pittsburgh crowd Wednesday that President Bush's wartime leadership is a joke. As he spoke, a camera caught someone yawning behind him onstage. John Kerry's problem is that he can make a cigar store Indian look like he's overacting.

John Hinckley asked a court in Washington D.C. Wednesday to let him out of the mental hospital for unsupervised five-day visits with his parents. He deserves that opportunity. The best way for the judge to protect the American people is to grant John Hinckley his release and tell him Osama bin Laden is dating Jodie Foster.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2004, Argus Hamilton