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Jewish World Review Oct. 21, 2004 / 6 Mar-Cheshvan, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Oklahoma Sooners dropped to third when the BCS released college football rankings Monday. The computer says they don't deserve to be on top because their opponents are too easy. This means that John Kerry will never be the number one team.

Ricky Williams asked to come back in the NFL after he quit in July to smoke pot and enjoy music in the Bahamas. It was hell. The island is a tax haven and he spent every night waiting for Willie Nelson to either change his songs or change his jokes.

PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat was reportedly receiving treatment Tuesday for chills and fever and body aches. He's still giddy over his latest honor. The Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles just voted to make an exception in his case.

September 11th victims' relatives made emotional campaign commercials Tuesday for President Bush and John Kerry. Some ads call Kerry a traitor while other ads call Bush incoherent. This campaign hasn't hit bottom yet, but it's still climbing.

John Kerry recovered in the polls after his scolding for citing Mary Cheney's sexual orientation in his last presidential debate. The reference caught the president by surprise. He had no idea Dick Cheney had adopted a Lebanese daughter.

John Kerry said Tuesday President Bush's policies will lead to the military draft. You can imagine the massive size of the peace marches and street protests. Young people are sick and tired of trying to meet the right person on the Internet.

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