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Jewish World Review Oct. 29, 2003 / 2 Mar-Cheshvan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | ABC's Monday Night Football was forced by wildfires Monday to relocate its scheduled game site from San Diego to Phoenix in the interest of public safety. There's no fire danger in Arizona. Ted Williams keeps everything ten degrees cooler.

The Florida Marlins received a parade in Miami Tuesday to honor their World Series victory. It was a bittersweet win for the South. Strom Thurmond thought he would never live to see the Yankees lose on their home turf, and sure enough, he didn't.

Great Britain urged her subjects to avoid Saudi Arabia during the Holy Month of Ramadan. Many in the Muslim world felt humiliated by the rapid conquest of Iraq. The Arab League just voted to ban Saddam Hussein from all January white sales.

The Democratic Party held a candidates debate in Detroit Sunday. They looked terrific on the tube. All politicians look better on television ever since Max Factor saved Richard Nixon's career by inventing a new makeup called Instant Honest.

Wesley Clark slipped to second place in the polls Monday. His campaign seems to be at war with itself. Wesley Clark is a distinguished soldier who served in Vietnam and he's backed by Bill Clinton, who arrived at the draft board by ambulance.

Pharaoh Ramses was returned to Egypt from an Atlanta museum Monday where his three-thousand-year-old body was on display. His rule was legendary. Ramses had two hundred sons, which makes you wonder why on earth they named a condom after him.

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