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Jewish World Review Oct. 20, 2003 / 24 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The Mirage Hotel released Montecore the Tiger from quarantine Tuesday. The cat who mauled Roy will live inside the glassed-in habitat at the hotel entrance. Never let anyone tell you the old Las Vegas was tougher on debtors than the new Las Vegas.

The World Series got underway Saturday in Yankee Stadium. Everyone's serious here. If a fan interferes with a foul ball in this park and lives to tell about it, then Lou Gehrig will have been the second-luckiest man on the face of the earth.

Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi served President Bush a dinner of famous Kobe beef. The cows are fed beer and given massages to make them more tender. College football coaches who have tried this regimen also wound up being dead meat.

The U.N. Security Council voted Thursday to allow international troops to patrol Baghdad. It should go smoothly. If there's one nice thing about gun battles on the streets of the Middle East, it's that fan interference is virtually non-existent.

Chicago Cubs fan Steve Bartman went into hiding Thursday after he kept a foul fly from being caught, leading to the playoff loss. The Chicago fans won't find him in a hundred years. He is hiding inside the National League Championship Trophy.

ABC will air a weekly drama series next fall about Jack Kennedy the year before he ran for president. It's a twist on Joe Millionaire. They take a guy who's really rich and fool beautiful young actresses into thinking he's looking for a First Lady.

Queen Elizabeth asked her lawyers to look at the European Union constitution that Tony Blair wants to sign. She doesn't like it. They say as California goes, so goes the rest of the world, but she hasn't lived this long to submit to German rule.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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