Ian Shoales
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Back in my dating days, I seem to recall that a dinner and movie combo
was pretty much the norm. In Japan, however, according to the New York
Times, the Meguro Parasitological Museum in Tokyo is drawing young
couples by the truckload. The museum's director explains that the museum
is seen by the young people as a kind of fun house.
Well, I don't know. I've gone to fun houses on dates, wax museums, and
even to a scary Barbra Streisand movie or two, but gaping at hookworms
in formaldehyde never struck me as necessarily a bonding experience. On
the other hand, the museum does house a nearly thirty foot long tapeworm
encased in Lucite, and I have to admit the kind of women I tend to like
would love to take a long gander at that thing, as would I, come to
think of it.
As a matter of fact, looking back on it all, the women I've tended to be
attracted to have an unnatural fascination with freaks of nature,
forensic pathology, serial killers, film noir, traffic safety films,
space aliens, roadside attractions, cheap motels, seedy bars, greasy
spoons, carnivals, geeks, surrealism, weird music, offbeat novels,
Japanese and Chinese action movies, Italian horror, Mexican wrestling,
conspiracy theories, parasites, and cheap food, which is kind of weird
when you think about it. With so much in common, how come it never works
out? The goth endrocinologist I dated whose hobby was torching bed and
breakfast inns, for instance. I thought that was a keeper. But it barely
lasted three weeks, and ended with her hurling her scorpions in amber
collection at my head as I scuttled down the hall.
Maybe it never worked out because there wasn't that catalyst, that
magical place -- like a parasitological museum -- that would have made all the
elements come together. Maybe all it takes to make spark turn into an
eternal fire is a thirty foot tape worm. This particular specimen had
been taken from the intestine of a man who had eaten sushi, which is
something else I love. So who knows? Maybe there's hope for a
relationship yet. If not, at least I'll have a pet to keep me company.
You gotta look on the bright side of things, you know?
Enjoy this writer's work? Why not sign-up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Ian Shoales is the author of, among others, Not Wet Yet: An Anthology of Commentary. Comment by clicking here.
10/03/02: How to have fun in Africa
09/30/02: If you are employed, you're part of the problem
09/25/02: "Up and comers," go away!
09/18/02: Collectibilitized
09/10/02: Monotone felons
08/20/02: Will we soon need a passport to get caviar, duc a la orange, or Polish sausage?
08/14/02: Law and Disorder --- and Starbucks
08/12/02: Rummy's monkey
08/05/02: Time for some real cultural heroes
07/31/02: Yearning for a nostalgic American product that was neither
07/24/02: Voicemail heaven?
07/18/02: At the movies with your friendly neighborhood curmudgeon
07/12/02: King of Kitsch
07/09/02: Musicians' brains
07/01/02: Where's my cow?
06/24/02: Modern record stores can be a scary proposition
06/21/02: Life IS a movie?
06/19/02: Spreading fertilizer on a dictionary to try to raise a novel
06/17/02: Happy cows are really miserable?
06/12/02: Very similar to a rock
06/05/02: Of Humice and Men
05/30/02: Pooches in sharkskin suits and the end of dog tags
05/22/02: We baby boomers used to rule the roost
05/20/02: The Files now Ex
05/14/02: Entangled in Spider-Man's web!?
05/02/02: April Showers May Come Our Yadda Yadda
04/24/02: From child murderer to milk hawker
04/10/02: New realities
03/21/02: You did it your way? I have to kill you now!
03/14/02: IN THIS CORNER … SUSAN LUCCI AND STEPHANIE ZYMALIST!
03/12/02: Life in the warehouse
01/28/02: Shoes and food
01/24/02: Suspension of disbelief has nothing to do with whether we accept something as real or not
01/22/02: Save the Grand Ole Opry?
12/15/01: If you truly want to appeal to the lowest common denominator …
12/11/01: KNITTING!
12/07/01: Conspiracy by the 'fat suit' lobby?
12/04/01: The future of comic books
11/15/01: Literary tips in a jar
11/12/01: The ectoplasm of a ghost economy
11/05/01: Sumner Redstone's passions
10/31/01: My irony
10/29/01: Even in wartime, America can still bring it home
10/25/01: Ad memories
10/17/01: Pathetic me
10/08/01: War time lite
10/01/01: Confessions of a sarcastic scribe
09/11/01: The end of Mom
09/07/01: Boy Loses Girl, Boy Bites Girl, Boy Gets Girl
09/05/01: Virtual elegance?
08/31/01: I COPY, THEREFORE I AM
08/28/01: Buzz!
08/23/01: Radio workout
08/20/01: I robot, you Jane
08/15/01: A wild and crazy world!
08/10/01: When the future was "as real as a dime"
08/08/01: Garage Dearth!
08/06/01: That Big Clock
08/02/01: Stop the pop!
07/31/01: Catchphrase history of the world
07/26/01: The Bride of Science
07/23/01: That java jive
07/17/01: Homogenized hegemony
07/13/01: Applying Newton's First Law of Physics to textbooks
07/10/01: The dumb and the dead