Tipsy teens, protective spouses,
kosher common-sense
By Wendy Belzberg
http://www.jewishworldreview.com --
My 13 year-old son is experimenting with alcohol. We allow our children to
drink some wine on Shabbat and holidays, but we have now caught him and his
friends sampling our liquor on other occasions. How do I put my foot down
without worrying that they will just find another venue, outside the safety
of our home, to experiment?
When my sister was 15 years old and doing her own experimenting, my
father asked that if she were going to drink, she do so in the safety of our
home. He invited her 2 closest girlfriends over to join the party. First he
poured them gin and tonics, then rum and cokes, and finally screwdrivers.
Needless to say, by the end of the evening each of them was hunched over a
different toilet bowl. This approach may sound a little harsh, but my sister
never drank again.
Thirteen seems a little young to be experimenting with alcohol. Is there
more here than meets the bottle? Your son may be trying to tell you
something, so watch closely and be prepared to read his lips. Talk to his
teachers to make sure he is attending classes, doing his homework and keeping
up his grades. One other thing, you may want to consider making kiddush over
grape juice instead of wine until your children get a little older.
* * *
Doesn't want to have an independent relationship with you, or doesn't
know how? I suspect your father is a casualty of a time and generation where
mother and father were expected to present a united front on all things, like
Siamese twins. After years of conditioning and training, it will be
difficult-but not impossible-to separate them; your parents may no longer
know how to exist independently of one another. Forge ahead slowly, but with
confidence and entitlement. It would be a great loss for you both if you gave
up.
* * *
I suggest you tell your friends (gasp) the truth: you have decided to keep a
strictly kosher home. Those of you who do not keep kosher may bring flowers
10/03/00: I'm not Jewish --- not that there's anything wrong with it; mezuza machlokes; when granddad has cancer
09/25/00: I can't take Rosh Hashanah! Something for nothing? My husband needs a dinner mate
09/18/00: 'My kids' Jewish education stinks', boyfriend bandit, and single mother not by choice
09/11/00: Bris brouhaha breaks my heart, LET ME SLEEP! --- and Why can't I hold a job?
09/05/00: Righteous anger, 'dissed' daughter --- and how not to make a match
08/21/00: When one spouse becomes more religious than the other; "But the cleaning lady is part of the family!"; Why He invented 9-month gestation periods
08/21/00: 'Fessing up to granny about abandoning one's people, non-kosher sis-in-law, and 'my niece is marrying a loser'
08/14/00: Marrying 'in' for questionable motivations; Should a do-gooder be reimbursed?
08/07/00: Communing with the clouds, betrothal, and banishing bosses
07/28/00: Small-city guys, self-centered siblings
07/21/00: When a child takes religion seriously, marriage obsession, and guests who just don't get it
07/14/00: Divorcing brother-in-law, uncampy kids, and a dot.comer who makes it big time
07/07/00: Hypocrites, reality checks, and the 'real estate challenged'