May 23rd, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Sept. 24, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
MIT announced they have created a substance that can block out all light and greatly enhance the ability of telescopes to scan exo-planets for life. What's the point? I think it's time we should stop looking for signs of intelligent life in outer space and start looking for any trace of it in Congress.

The United Nations opened their annual September session this week with one hour speeches from all the world leaders. Guatemala's president addressed the United Nations Wednesday after some nifty fence climbing. He offered to take President Biden's job for thirteen dollars an hour, cash.

President Biden kept us comedians in material Tuesday with his speech to the United Nations General Assembly. During one dramatic moment, he referred to the United Nations as the United States. It was two years ago this month that Joe Biden announced he has half a mind to be president.

White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki ripped Border Patrol officers on horseback for being too forceful is turning back Haitian migrants. The border crisis is spreading north. In Oklahoma yesterday, Choctaw tribal police pulled over a van full of white guys and demanded to see their papers.

Border Patrol mounted agents were accused of racism by black House Members for twirling their horse reins to drive Haitians back into Mexico. They said it looked like cowboys whipping slaves. They were trying to drive the Haitians out of Texas and back to their homeland of Los Angeles.

Texas governor Greg Abbott said Texas is adopting emergency measures to stop and turn back the flood of immigrants pouring into the Lone Star State. The governor revealed that the state is constructing a border fence. The Haitians are reportedly very upset by the fence but they'll get over it.

The White House evicted reporters when they began asking President Biden questions about the border crisis at a press briefing with the British Prime Minister Tuesday. It's a problem. Prime Minister Johnson has been in the U.S. for only two days and the INS says they have no way to find him.

President Biden called France's President Macron Wednesday to try to smooth over French anger for being shut out of a US-UK-Australia security pact and nuclear submarine deal. Two days later, Macron in anger recalled his U.S. ambassador home from Washington. I'll say this for Joe Biden, he got the French to withdraw to Paris in only two days, and he did it without the Wehrmacht.

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Beer Industry News reports that craft beer breweries are developing direct-to-customer delivery services. It'll give people a chance to sample a huge variety of craft-brewed beer at home. The fantastic thing about craft breweries is how they make your drinking problem seem like a neat hobby.

The New York Stock Exchange fell sharply Monday on investor fears of inflation and worries that the Fed may raise interest rates. Wall Street's confidence in our country's future is getting a little shaky. I asked my stockbroker Monday what to buy, and he said canned goods and ammunition.

The Emmy Awards aired on CBS Sunday in Hollywood and comedian Cedric the Entertainer served as the host. It just never changes. Every year the Emmy Awards allow TV viewers to see the most number of Hollywood celebrities in one place without having to donate to the Democratic Party.

The State Department acknowledged that refugees from Afghanistan aren't vaccinated but the good news is they made it out safe. Last week, in comedian's language, twenty-three thousand Afghans landed in the U.S. and boy, are their arms tired. And that's just from hanging on to the plane.

The Homeland Security Secretary arrived in Texas Monday to see migrants pouring across the border, promising to show up in court. The language barrier complicates the process. Last week, two Mexican guys showed up in L.A. Court for their deportation hearing, and the judge married them.

President Biden issued an order requiring all government workers to be vaccinated for Covid, however vaccinations can't be required of Members of Congress and the Senate. And forget about giving them Ivermectin. Congress can be fully vaccinated but it's impossible to have them de-wormed.

President Biden traveled to New York Tuesday to give a speech to the United Nations General Assembly, a task world leaders perform at the UN each September. He began by declaring that the United States is back. It's always best to start your speech with a joke to get the audience on your side.

President Biden cited climate change in his UN speech Tuesday ignoring the world migration crisis and French fury at the U.S. The UN reminds me of the crematorium at Forest Lawn that caught fire last weekend. Damage was extensive, however they are now three days ahead of schedule.

Boxing Hall of Famer Manny Pacquiao was nominated for President of the Philippines last week after years of serving in the legislature. Always a huge fan favorite, he was one of the great fighters of modern times. Of all the world leaders on today's stage only Kamala Harris has dropped more boxers.

The N.Y. Post covered the BLM protest against Carmine's restaurant in Manhattan. An Asian American hostess refused to let a party of black people enter the restaurant as they couldn't show proof of vaccination. The University of Mississippi just elected her the Queen of Throwback Thursday.

President Biden offered to give a Bud Light to anybody getting vaccinated, prompting Mexico's president to offer a free bottle of Corona. Joining the fun, Ireland's president announced he'll give out bottles of water. He said if the U.S. and Mexico aren't going to give out beer, neither is Ireland.