• The L.A. Times says patient fraud is rife in the rapidly growing end-of-life care business in L.A. County. If I'm ever given only twenty-four hours to live, I'll drink a quart of vodka and eat six packets of fireworks. It won't save my life but it'll give everybody one hell of a show at my cremation.
• Journal Orthopedics posted a nutrition recommendation stating that sheep's milk is the most nutritious milk in the world due to its high calcium. It's been a source for cheese for hundreds of years. During this century, I'd say the most efficient way to milk sheep is to release another i-Phone.
• Psychology Today said the eighteen-month-long federal unemployment benefits created a lot of dependent people. Now that my benefits have lapsed, I've entered the Set for Life Sweepstakes where you get to do nothing but collect five grand a week for forty years. It's that or run for Congress.
• The Wall Street Journal reported the Taliban authorities in Kabul last weekend arrested and interrogated a young, white American man they caught spying for the United States. The spy happened to be a Millennial. He confessed to everything after they threatened to take away his Netflix.
• President Biden traveled to Pennsylvania and New York and Virginia to attend the twentieth anniversary ceremonies commemorating the September 11th attacks. Biden was NOT asked to make a speech at any of the three observances. Ceremony officials figured we have suffered enough.
• President Biden stood quietly at all three 9-11 ceremonies while Trump met with firemen and police, then hosted a UFC night where the crowd chanted his name. Here's how I explain politics to L.A. audiences every night. Donald Trump is cocaine, and Joe Biden is cocaine laced with Fentanyl.
• President Biden attended at all three attack sites Saturday to commemorate the September 11th terror strikes. The Taliban paraded around Kandahar in U.S. armored military vehicles and flying over the town in Apache helicopters. I'll bet Hunter doesn't feel so stupid now about losing his laptop.
• President Biden said he can't understand why people held up obscene signs when he drove by last week. After all, the border is secure, he's successfully united forty-one percent of the country, and we just won the war in Afghanistan. But for voters it's always, what have you done for me lately?
• The London Daily Mail says Taliban fighters in Kabul celebrated 9-11 by firing rifles into the air. However, the leaders are being plagued by phone calls concerning the extended warranty on their new U.S. Army Humvees. They've threatened a terrorist attack on India if they don't stop calling.
• The White House expressed gratitude to countries around the world for their expressions of condolences on the 20th anniversary of 9-11. Well, not ALL the countries in the world, China's government clings to its standard claim by now that the Twin Towers were attacked by a flock of bats.
• The American Medical Association Journal reports the number of flu cases this year and last are so low that the flu has virtually disappeared, raising my deep suspicions. It appears that Covid-19 and the flu are like Superman and Clark Kent. You never see them in the same room at the same time.
• President Biden issued sweeping orders Friday for all federal workers to get Covid vaccinated but exempts Congress. You'd think lawmakers would prefer the Covid vaccine over the most effective Covid treatment. Ivermectin wipes out parasites, so it'd be suicidal for Members of Congress to take it.