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Jewish World Review Sept. 14, 2020 OUCH! By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Hollywood Reporter disclosed Friday that production on the new Batman movie has been halted because the film's star Robert Pattinson has contracted Covid. That's so ironic. Having Batman catch a disease from an infected bat is like Aqua Man coming down with a case of the crabs.
• Colorado faced a freak summer snowstorm after record-setting heat wave that sent temperatures in the Rockies to triple digits. The cold front swept across the country's midsection. In Oklahoma City, the temperature went from ninety to fifty-five like it just saw a Highway Patrolman.
• West Coast firefighters battled brushfires from the Pacific Northwest to Southern California. One was started by fireworks at a gender reveal party. My neighbor's girlfriend hosted a gender-reveal party last night, and that's why he put her on the next plane to Thailand this morning.
• Met Life published a table predicting that Baby Boomers will have the longest life span of any generation in history to date. It doesn't surprise me. The reason that Baby Boomers have such a long life expectancy is that when we were young, alcohol and drugs and tobacco were good for you.
• President Trump said soldiers love him but the Pentagon brass dislikes him because he keeps bringing troops home and won't attack anybody. It hardly feels like America. Donald Trump is the only president in my lifetime who hasn't started a war, unless you include the Women of the View.
• President Trump denied he disparaged U.S. war dead during commemoration events for World War II heroes while he was in Paris two years ago. When I witness these sad and solemn ceremonies, I try to think of all the personal injury lawyers who were killed in World War II. It lightens the mood.
• Senate Republicans failed to get the sixty votes they needed to pass their five hundred billion dollar pandemic relief bill. This was the second time in a month that lawmakers on Capitol Hill were unable to pass corona relief. Nancy Pelosi says it's being blocked by her hair stylist.
• Chuck Schumer blamed Senate Republicans for offering a light pandemic relief bill while Mitch McConnell blamed Nancy Pelosi for demanding payouts to illegal aliens. The jobless are infuriated. Politicians are like sperm, only one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
• The Department of Wildlife launched a highway safety campaign designed to protect deer and mountain lions and wolves from being killed on the road. West Virginia now leads the nation in the number of deer struck by vehicles. It's been like this ever since WalMart stopped selling bullets.
• Bob Woodward's book Rage reveals President Trump told Bob on tape early on he knew how serious Covid was but didn't want to alarm the country. Woodward's appearance at this time is no accident. The Democrats are pretty much down to hoping Trump ordered a break-in at the Watergate. • President Trump spoke to Sean Hannity in which the Fox News host told Trump he couldn't believe that Trump agreed in the first place to be interviewed by Bob Woodward, and for eighteen hours on the phone. I think I've figured out why. Gloria Allred was on hold on Line Two. • Joe Biden hit Trump hard on his Bob Woodward chat Wednesday. Joe said Trump didn't alert the nation to the Covid danger loudly and clearly enough as soon as he learned how dangerous it was. After the speech, Biden received a stage note from Henny Penny, telling him to bring it in a little. • The Academy Awards will impose a racial and gender quota for Oscar nominees. Best Picture candidates must have women and blacks featured prominently in the movie. Leave it to Hollywood to try to enforce affirmative action and still end up making Gone with the Wind eligible for Best Picture.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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