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Jewish World Review Sept. 23, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
L.A. was rated in a poll of psychologists as the world capital of Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Friday. A new study shows that only aging dampens the self-love of a narcissist. How L.A. is it when even people who are in love with themselves get to the point where they prefer someone younger.
• President Trump vowed to use the EPA to clean up the streets of San Francisco of all the filth and homeless litter and drug-cut water. The media just snarled. Trump could come running out of a burning building carrying a baby he rescued and CNN would rip him for appearing in blackface.
• The Wall Street Journal said the American people are split politically wider than ever along party lines, confirmed by that day's Gallup Poll's statistics on the bitter partisan division. It affects all our relationships. I'm not speaking to my imaginary friend over our political differences.
• Kentucky Fried Chicken introduced its new KFC Chicken and Donuts Dinner Wednesday. It consists of a large Pepsi-Cola, a large order of fries, and Southern fried chicken in between two glazed donuts. Drive-thru customers are only allowed to order it if they are already in the ambulance.
• Felicity Huffman requested she be allowed to stay in the federal women's correction facility in Dublin, California, about a half hour from San Francisco. It's one of those country club minimum-security prisons you'd expect California might offer. They only make vanity license plates.
• Amazon began testing its new facial recognition software to improve security but they are still working out the bugs They tested it on the faces of all five-hundred-thirty-five Members of Congress, and identified thirty-eight of them as criminal suspects. That's a pretty low batting average.
• President Trump met with Border Patrol officers and contractors on the Mexican border and showed off the new wall. He said twenty trained mountain climbers couldn't get over it. The next day in Mexico City, Mexico's first lady launched a new physical fitness program called Get Climbing.
• The Wall Street Journal reports Radio Shack is coming back following bankruptcy. They will be a store-within-a-store at one hundred Hobby Lobby locations. They have gone bankrupt twice, and business experts say if Radio Shack goes bankrupt one more time it's eligible to run for president.
• The Tokyo Times reports a Japanese brewery in Osaka claims it has brewed a beer that unlike near-beer, tastes exactly like beer, but it has no alcohol at all in it. What's the point? I'm out of the game now, but it seems to me that drinking beer for the taste is like growing marijuana for the shade.
• Life will release a special issue saluting the fateful year of 1969, the year of the Moon landing, Richard Nixon's inauguration as president, the Miracle Mets, Chappaquiddick, war protests and a certain rock festival in Upstate New York. Fifty years ago, long-hairs were pitching tents, living off the land and bathing in ponds, and it was called Woodstock. Today, it's called downtown Los Angeles.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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