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Jewish World Review Sept. 5, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Mike Pence flew to Poland to honor the eightieth anniversary of the German invasion starting World War II. I think of the German Army's sweep into Poland, Russia and France every time I look at the advertising slogan at my Phillips 66 gas station. Every Journey Begins with a Single Tank.
• Facebook may remove Likes from your under FB posts so no one will know how popular your post was. There'd be no visible reward for posting something funny, beautiful or interesting, all posts will be equal. It's like giving Hillary Clinton a participation trophy, so she can say she won something.
• The USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor is reopened to tourists after a year's touch-up. It was sunk in Japan's sneak attack on December 7, 1941. The memorial serves as a silent warning to every foreign power that if you wake up Americans early on a Sunday morning, we will nuke you.
• The Chicago Police reported that the city's ambulance and emergency rooms had to deal with sixty-six shootings and eight murders over the long Labor Day weekend. The difference between getting shot in Chicago and getting shot in Texas is that if it's in Texas, at least you're not in Chicago.
• WalMart responded to outrage over mass shootings and said they will no longer sell handguns or short-barreled rifles. In addition, WalMart stepped up store security in an anti-gun-environment friendly way. They have replaced all the armed guards with someone old and expendable.
• The Los Angeles Times reported rising concerns among seismologists that L.A. may be due for a large earthquake. Adding to L.A.'s earthquake fears, a previously hidden line of geological cracks underneath Los Angeles was just discovered. CNN quickly named it Trump's Fault.
• The London Sun cited findings by the American Medical Association that two diet sodas a day increase your risk of heart attack or stroke by fifty percent. Some say drinking fourteen diet sodas per week subtracts a month from your life. If true, then by my calculation, I died September 3rd, 1847.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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