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Jewish World Review Sept. 23,2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Democratic Senator Kirsten Gillibrand said Judge Kavanaugh's sex assault accuser must be believed. She said people always believe the man in he-said she-said cases, so he must be guilty. It turns out that the Constitution grants presumption of innocence to everyone except a Constitutionalist.
• Syria and Russia agreed to set up a demilitarized zone between their forces battling the rebels after Syria accidentally shot down a Russian plane. The shoot-down occurred during an Israeli air attack. They way they know it was an accident is because Syria actually shot down a plane.
• Germany launched service Monday on the world's first passenger train that runs exclusively on hydrogen gas. Let's hope it works out better than their hydrogen passenger blimp did eighty years ago. That's when the Hindenburg exploded over New Jersey, after flying over New York City, proving to the world that it's REALLY bad luck to fly over Brooklyn with a swastika on your tail wing.
• Coca-Cola, the world's number-one sugar dealer, made the major announcement on Monday that they are in talks with a Canadian company to infuse the soft drink with liquid marijuana. So Coca-Cola was once famously full of cocaine and now it's mostly weed. It's just like Los Angeles.
• President Trump enjoyed a Hispanic Heritage Month party at the White House Monday. Two hundred guests were invited, and fifty sneaked in over the fence. They enthusiastically chanted "Four More Years!" but no one knows if it was for re-election, or construction delays on the border wall.
• The Texas State School Board angered Democrats and the advocates for special needs people Monday by removing Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from Texas history books. They're quite a pair. One was deaf, dumb and blind to what was going on around her, and the other was Helen Keller.
• The National Safety Council reported that eighty thousand Americans are injured annually in an office. They issued tips on how to avoid falls, falling boxes, computer muscle strains and back injuries. One year I got my tie caught in my fax machine and three minutes later I was in Hong Kong.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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