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Jewish World Review Sept. 27, 2016 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
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Donald Trump took dead aim at the Obama coalition during the debate Monday in the way he framed his comments. He supported child care to woo women voters, he backed urban enterprise zones to court minority voters, and he spent the entire debate sniffing to court the Beverly Hills voters.
• Hillary Clinton's spokeswoman said early Monday that Hillary is prepared to shatter the glass ceiling and be the first woman elected president of the United States. She loves the sound of that glass breaking. Hillary's the reason all the White House china looks like it's been glued back together.
• USA Today reports the University of Phoenix may be bought by a private equity group for one billion dollars. Online colleges have been on the decline. Many of the students dropped out when they figured out that spring break consists of walking to the refrigerator and drinking your dad's beer.
• Homeland Security filed charges against Ahmad Khan Rahami for the bomb he set off in New York but his second bomb in Manhattan didn't explode because the trigger was an old flip phone that didn't work. He should've used a Samsung Galaxy. The new ones come with a built-in detonator.
• Hillary Clinton declined to take a neuro-cognitive test to vouch for her mental fitness. On the same day, Trump staffers had to deny charges he's clinically insane. In Anglo-American legal traditions, the decision over who's sane and who isn't is generally made by the person with the key.
• Charlotte remained in chaos Thursday as protesters over a police shooting refused to disperse and observe the midnight curfew. Looting and fires broke out spontaneously. The fires were accidentally set by looters who were calling their friends on their new Samsung Galaxy smart phones.
• CBS News reports animal sanctuaries in the U.S. are bracing for a huge influx of chimpanzees since the U.S. government recently stopped funding experiments on chimps. There's always work for apes. Animal Planet should film a remake of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington with an all-baboon cast.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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