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Jewish World Review Sept. 8, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• China held a huge military parade in Beijing Thursday with twelve thousand troops marching down Tiananmen Square ahead of new tanks, massive artillery guns, anti-ship missiles and ICBMs. The parade was celebrating the end of World War II. Some people are always the last to get the word.
• The Houston Post reported a fluke death Tuesday when a Texan was killed while he was taking a selfie with a gun. Something this loony seems to happen every year. We Southerners may not be fit by temperament to win a Nobel Peace Prize but we win the Darwin Award so often we practically own it.
• UFC superstar fighter Ronda Rousey on Thursday accepted an invitation mailed to her by a U.S. Marine to attend the Marine Corps Ball with him this coming December. This is definitely couple overkill. When they heard that Ronda Rousey is teaming up with the Marines, ISIS retreated to the hills.
• The VA Inspector General reports that three hundred thousand U.S. veterans listed as waiting for medical care at VA Hospitals are dead. We may have to stop going to war until we catch up. Instead of re-invading Iraq to wipe out ISIS maybe we should just tell Liam Neeson that they have his daughter.
• Donald Trump ripped Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish to crowds Wednesday and said he should set an example and speak English while in the U.S. It set off a ferocious war of words on Twitter. If the newspaper was the evolution of the town crier then the Internet is the evolution of the town drunk.
• The Los Angeles Times ripped Donald Trump for kicking Univision anchor Jorge Ramos out of his press conference. He was badgering Trump on his deportation policy. Ramos was kicked out of the press conference, but he returned five minutes later to ask more questions after he tunneled back in.
• Mexico's President Enrique Pena Nieto proposed national ID cards for Mexican citizens Friday in his State of the Union speech. It would help. If you're a Mexican and cops pull you over in Mexico, they need to see something more than your Los Angeles water and electricity bill to prove that you are a Mexican citizen.
• The World Health Organization issued a statement declaring Liberia to be free of Ebola for the second time this year. It was never much of a threat in the U.S. Statistics show that more Americans have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died of Ebola, and the Ebola victims suffered far less.
• The Jacksonville Jaguars are set to sign a fourteen-year deal to play one NFL regular season game each year in London. It's no problem for the players. In England they drink beer by the pints and drive on the left side of the road, so for most of the NFL players, the only adjustment is the time change.
• The European Union Friday demanded that Italy and Greece seal off their northern border with Europe to turn away the invasion of North African immigrants. That morning the BBC News showed refugees trying desperately to jump onto train boxcars going into Germany. Now that's a switch.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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