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Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2014 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Apple held a press conference Tuesday and introduced the Apple Watch along with a new iPhone that boasts a much larger screen. They are determined to improve everything. Every six months, the people at Apple re-bury Steve Jobs in a nicer, thinner and more expensive casket.
• Bill Clinton and George W. Bush launched their Presidential Scholars Program Tuesday in D.C.. It gives college scholarships to kids with political ambitions who exhibit Clinton's and Bush's leadership traits. It's one way of keeping comedians in material for generations to come.
• Prince William revealed he and Kate are expecting their second child on Monday. It's bad news for every comedian's favorite Royal. This new baby would knock Prince Harry down to fifth in line for the throne, and already he's having to sleep with models instead of supermodels.
• President Obama unveiled his strategy to destroy ISIS Wednesday. He was fast losing his audience. In this era of elevator beatings, nude photos hacked from smartphones and online beheadings, you have to bomb the hell out of someone just to be fourth on the news every night.
• President Obama and Prime Minister David Cameron said the U.S. and Britain will not be cowed by ISIS Friday. Cow's a hot metaphor. Bobby Knight hit a cow on a Wyoming highway last week and no one knows why Bobby Knight was throwing folding chairs on a Wyoming highway.
• President Obama vowed to degrade and defeat the ISIS movement Wednesday. How fast is it spreading? If President Obama doesn't completely obliterate ISIS, his last mistake will be hearing an angry mob outside the White House gate and assuming it's just Hispanic protesters.
• President Obama denied he called ISIS the JV squad last year when he referred to ISIS as the JV squad. One day a kid is a ninth grader learning the fundamentals of terrorism on the JV squad and before you know it, he's Johnny Nuclear Football. They blow up so fast nowadays.
• Facebook stock rocketed to seventy-eight dollars a share on Wall Street Monday drawing investor enthusiasm in Facebook's revenue from advertising on smartphones. They certainly have a locked-in audience. Facebook now has five hundred million users, second only to heroin.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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