Jewish World Review Sept. 12, 2011 / 13 Elul, 5771
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The NFL held its opener between the Green Bay Packers and the New Orleans Saints Thursday. It was pretty grim. The league had to borrow the silver dollar for the pre-game coin toss from the Federal Reserve and at the end of the game they owed China two dollars.
Jackie Kennedy revealed in tapes that aired Friday the FBI recorded Martin Luther King organizing sex parties in Washington D.C. The revelation came just a week after his statue was dedicated in the capital. Thanks to cell phone cameras, there will never be another statue on the National Mall again.
Mattel introduced Sinatra Barbie Thursday, with the doll dressed in a hound's tooth suit. The accessories make the outfit. The doll is wearing a fedora hat and carrying a fifth of Jack Daniel's, and the doll's hair is made from the same synthetic fibers as Frank's.
Christian Dior's famous former designer John Galliano was fined in Paris for making anti-Semitic remarks in a French bar. Last March he got coked up and praised Hitler on YouTube. Palestine isn't even a state yet and already people are running for president of it.
WikiLeaks released classified U.S. cables Friday saying Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah was actually ninety-two and not eighty-two as he claimed and that he still takes Viagra. If he's ever overthrown and needs to hide, he can always try the front row of the Laker games.
NASA launches a new mission to the moon Thursday sending two robots to the lunar surface who will measure gravity and chase each other in circles. It's an old story. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldren have lost their jobs to a pair of ATM machines on roller skates.
Dick Cheney openly urged Hillary Clinton to run for president against Barack Obama on Thursday. He called her the most formidable and attractive Democrat. Dick Cheney proved the old adage true that women get more beautiful the closer you get to closing time.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2009, Argus Hamilton