Jewish World Review Sept. 6, 2007 / 24 Elul, 5767
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Senator Arlen Specter urged Senator Larry Craig Sunday not to resign and to fight the lewd conduct charges. No one wants him to go. Lately Americans are a lot less concerned about a senator's family values than they are about his entertainment value.
Larry Craig said Tuesday he will fight the charges of sex solicitation by foot-tapping in a men's room stall. He could survive. By claiming restless leg syndrome he thinks he can keep his job in the Senate under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
The Pentagon said Tuesday that hackers broke into Defense Department computers, triggering a systems review. All desk computers have been shut down. For the next month all Pentagon employees will be forced to play solitaire with real playing cards.
Hillary Clinton spoke to the American Association of Retired Persons lobbyists meeting in Washington Tuesday. She promised as president she'd leave Social Security exactly as it is. This will give seniors with paid-off homes the thrill of bankruptcy.
Hillary Clinton went on Ellen DeGeneres's show Tuesday while Bill Clinton did Oprah and Fred Thompson prepared for the Tonight Show. Few saw them. Everybody was watching to see which Washington heavyweight would get busted this week on To Catch a Predator.
Nepal Airlines officials said Tuesday they sacrificed two goats to appease the Hindu sky god after electrical problems on one of their airplanes. We shouldn't look down on them for doing this. U.S. airlines sacrifice goats for the economy class snack bags.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton