Jewish World Review Sept. 15, 2006 / 22 Elul, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Crown Prince of Dubai paid twelve million dollars for a yearling colt on Tuesday at Keeneland. It was sired by Kingmambo for a sixty thousand dollar stud fee. It is more evidence that Major League pitchers are wasting their time doing autograph shows.
Barbara Walters left her talk show audience stunned with a personal anecdote Tuesday. She told everyone about a two-way conversation she had with her dog Cha Cha on the elevator. Ten bucks says the conversation took place on a mood elevator.
New York City hosted the Fall Fashion Show Tuesday in lower Manhattan. The start of the show had to be delayed. Six of the supermodels slipped through the sidewalk grates and died after the bomb squad mistook them for suspicious envelopes.
The Oakland Raiders lost their opener on Monday Night Football on ESPN. They drew a sold-out home crowd. It was touching to see eighty thousand fans willing to violate the terms of their house arrest to show their support for the home team.
Air America radio network is expected to file for bankruptcy today. The much ballyhooed liberal talk show network has had a cash flow problem for months. Al Franken is used to going long periods without a paycheck, but not when he's working.
The Pentagon admitted Wednesday that it refused to fire missiles from a spy plane at Taliban leaders attending a funeral. We do not fire on Muslims in cemeteries. Every time we see someone digging a hole we believe we may have found the weapons of mass destruction.
The Russian parliament turned down a proposal Wednesday to send Madonna into space. The pop star has expressed a desire to be a space tourist and Russia could use the twenty million dollars. The last time Madonna went around the world every ninety minutes she was dating Dennis Rodman.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton