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Jewish World Review Sept. 24, 2004 / 9 Tishrei, 5765

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Baghdad exploded in fire bombs Wednesday as terrorists beheaded hostages and struck Israel. Britney Spears got married without a license while Ivan reformed and headed for Texas. It was the first peaceful day Dan Rather's had in three weeks.

Ring of Fire is a musical about the life and music of Johnny Cash that began auditions Tuesday. He was way ahead of his time. Forty years ago Ring of Fire was the number-one hit in America and today it is a California real estate brochure.

Tom Sizemore drew raves playing Pete Rose in the movie Hustle on ESPN Sunday night. The actor faces charges of beating Heidi Fleiss in a cocaine and alcohol induced rage. Playing a gambling junkie was the first step on his road to recovery.

CBS 60 Minutes reporter Steve Kroft slammed Dan Rather for sloppy journalism on President Bush. He's angry. The Pentagon just released a deck of playing cards with faces of CBS correspondents on them and Steve Kroft was only the four of clubs.

Major League Baseball owners met Wednesday to change the Montreal Expos into the Washington Senators. They must find a team owner. No one knows how much the senators are worth but they typically go for about a hundred thousand dollars a vote.

John Kerry campaigned in Orlando Wednesday and said the president's plan to privatize Social Security is a rip-off. He could barely be heard by the crowd due to a severely hoarse throat. Laryngitis is G-d's gift to people who know everything.

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