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May 24th, 2022

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Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published August 5, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
NFL training camps got underway with a heavy emphasis on player safety this season. A new brain study says that footballs should be sold with cigarette-style warnings about possible player dementia. However if you're trying to smoke a football it's probably too late for the dementia warning.

New Zealand's trans-gender weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was gracious to reporters and Japan after she was eliminated in the first round Monday. NBC's Olympic weightlifting expert informed TV viewers she was unsuccessful three times in the snatch lift. Sometimes, the jokes just write themselves.

The Japan Olympics drew good ratings for NBC Sports in the Men's Swimming competitions this past week. At the last minute, Nigeria entered a swim team of teenagers, young men, old men and kids in long-distance swimming. However at the finish line they were turned back by Spanish officials.

President Biden said Tuesday he didn't know if the federal government has the power to force Americans to be vaccinated. New York City just required vaccinations for all people in restaurants and bars. In addition, Governor Cuomo must maintain six feet of social distance from the nearest breast.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo denied the charges against him by eleven female accusers detailed by New York's attorney general Tuesday. It was lurid. Perhaps the governor will learn it's one thing to leave a bunch of stiffs in nursing homes, but it's another to wave one around the state capital.

Governor Cuomo's seduction routine was revealed to include showing girls the cigar humidor in his office that Bill Clinton gave him. Those things are bad luck. Last week I just admired an old cigar humidor at the newsstand and ever since a special prosecutor has been interviewing my ex-girlfriends.

Cuomo went on TV and defended his behavior as natural to him and said accusations against him by women were political. He acted as if he kept his campaign promise to grab ass and kill the elderly. In an effort to get his fellow Democrats to forgive and forget, Cuomo went on TV in blackface.

President Biden addressed the country on the state of the virus and vaccination rates Tuesday at his White House press conference. He was very concerned about the growing problem in Texas and Florida. The new Freedom variant is causing people to ignore the government and live their lives.

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New York Mayor De Blasio decreed that all restaurants and bars must require all customers to show proof of vaccination. Almost all non-vaccinated New Yorkers are black and Hispanic, leaving restaurant and bar patrons overwhelmingly white. Progressives must admit they did Nazi that coming.

Nielsen reports newscast ratings are way down since Trump left office. Other billionaires are competing for his vacated spotlight. Now that flying into space is passé for Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Sir Richard Branson, the next death-defying stunt will be driving through Chicago with the top down.

San Francisco residents expressed disgust with city government in the wake of the looting of stores by street mobs in broad daylight. It gets better. In addition, to help prevent the spread of Covid, the mayor is reminding San Franciscans to remember to wash their hands after using the sidewalk.

CBS Sports released its college football poll Tuesday with Alabama number one followed by Clemson and Oklahoma. College football hatreds stay with you your entire life. I've always a been advised to keep my windows rolled up and my car doors locked when driving through South Central L.A. or College Station to avoid getting a couple of Trojan or Aggie diplomas lobbed into my back seat.


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