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Jewish World Review August 15, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Wall Street Journal reports that bankruptcies are on the rise across America this summer with many upscale lifestyles in jeopardy. One trait the Americans inherited from the British is the determination to keep up appearances. If I'm ever shot in a WalMart, please drag my body to Target.
• The Hollywood Reporter says Paramount's family movie Dora the Explorer and the Lost City of Gold finished fourth in the box office race last weekend. On Sunday, I saw Dora at the movie theater and she was hiding from Immigration. At least she no longer has to hide from Jeffrey Epstein.
• Fox News interviewed a federal warden who said Jeffrey Epstein being given enough privacy to kill himself or get murdered is unexplainable. He'd partied with many powerful people he could destroy with his testimony. The guard assigned to watch Epstein died in a traffic accident tomorrow.
• Billionaire pedophile Jeffery Epstein was pronounced dead Saturday after guards found him hanging in his cell with a rolled up bed sheet tied in a noose around his neck. It appears he was acting as his own lawyer. Epstein faced forty-five years in prison and settled for a suspended sentence. •
New York Metropolitan federal jail officials confirmed that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide a day after he was visited in his cell by one of his lawyers. On Monday, two of Epstein's attorneys each hired two more defense lawyers. Maybe Epstein made his money through multi-level marketing.
• President Trump responded to Joe Biden's senior moments onstage Saturday by confiding to reporters that Joe is not playing with a full deck, which may play to his advantage. Thank G od that Joe Biden's memory is gone. It may be the only reason the Clintons and Obama haven't killed him.
• Democratic Socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders gave an interview to Rolling Stone magazine over the weekend. Bernie promised that if elected president, he will release to the public everything the U.S. government knows about extraterrestrials. He will then sign them up for Medicare.
• A Southern California man last week went on a convenience store knifing rampage as he was robbing several convenience stores in Orange County. Brandishing his knife the guy stabbed four people to death and wounded two more. It sounds like the anti-gun message is finally getting through.
• Denmark banks have begun offering negative interest rates where they pay you interest when the loan matures, just so they can handle your money in the meantime. It's all over my head. Tom Selleck finally talked me into a reverse mortgage loan on TV and now my landlord wants to evict me.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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