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Jewish World Review August 1, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Billboard reports that the Southern rock group Confederate Railroad has lost two gigs this year because of the Confederate flag on the group's logo. I just have one question for all the people who'd erase Southern culture in order to declare their virtue. How many of them drive Volkswagens?
• Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez met with Nancy Pelosi in a peace parley between the two Democrats. The Speaker realizes the mercurial young congresswoman must be handled with kid gloves. It takes a special type of genius to battle global warming by trying to abolish ICE.
• Elijah Cummings called Trump a racist for calling Cummings a thief while twenty Democratic candidates offered us all free stuff. If politicians are public servants, it makes you realize how hard it is to find good help nowadays. America is spiraling downward faster than we can lower our standards.
• The Washington Post quoted local DC psychologists who say many of their Democratic patients and federal workers suffer from what doctors are calling Trump Anxiety Syndrome. They say it is easy to diagnose. You ask people to recite the alphabet and if the say A-B-C-N-N then they've got it.
• Detroit held two Democratic debates this week as twenty presidential candidates railed against the status quo. America's class system is the weirdest devised by any society. We're the only country in history where the rich and the famous starve themselves and the poor weigh four hundred pounds.
• The State Department welcomed Henry Kissinger and other past Secretaries of State Monday to celebrate its two hundredth anniversary. America went thirty years until 1819 without a diplomatic corps. We refused to try diplomacy until the lack of it resulted in the White House being burned down.
• President Trump's attack on Elijah Cummings' squalid West Baltimore district is a recitation of rat infestation and high crime rate detailed by the Baltimore Sun and PBS. Trump said nobody wants to live in Baltimore now, and thanks to the murder rate, many of their dreams are coming true.
• Elijah Cummings' House district includes the black area of West Baltimore and the extremely wealthy Horse Country region in Maryland that extends to the Eastern Shore. Both precincts recognize the first rule of capitalism. Build a better mousetrap and the world will still call you a racist.
• The White House dispatched U.S. trade representatives to China to resume trade talks that have recently stalled. The Chinese are quite resourceful. I pride myself on being sophisticated and not provincial, and so I think it's extremely cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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