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Jewish World Review August 26, 2014 / 30 Menachem-Av, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Pentagon stepped up the bombing of the ISIS terrorist army in Iraq Friday following a video of an ISIS jihadist beheading a U.S. journalist. It reflected White House anger. The bombing mission was a clear message to ISIS never to interrupt the president's vacation again.
• President Obama took to the links at Martha's Vineyard Wednesday eight minutes after he announced the U.S. journalist's murder by ISIS. It drew heat. PGA pros who play with him say that President Obama is a pretty good golfer for a guy who only plays six or seven times a week.
• President Obama continued vacationing Friday despite crises in Iraq, Ukraine, Gaza and Missouri. It proves that he's America's most transformational president. Did you ever think you'd see a U.S. president who could get Democrats to defend golf and Republicans to attack golf?
• Dr. Kent Brantley and his U.S. aide left his hospital Ebola-free Friday a month after they flew home to the U.S. from Africa infected with the virus. The Republicans are very concerned. If the cure for Ebola is being an American, then West Africa is about to become the fifty-first state .
• The FBI warned that ISIS issued a tweet vowing to attack a U.S. city and posting a photo of Chicago. No one's all that concerned. Over the past ten years, the Taliban and al-Qaeda tried to infiltrate Chicago twice and both times, Crip gunfire drove them back across the Indiana line.
• ABC News aired a story about Twitter proclaiming that the microblogging service might well be the news outlet for the twenty-first century. It's a difficult media to manage. Twitter keeps prompting everyone to add your location to your tweets, but ISIS isn't falling for that one.
• Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel said Thursday that ISIS in Iraq is worse than al-Qaeda ever was. Neither Shiites nor Kurds can put a lid on them. A new advertising billboard visible from the State Department building has Saddam Hussein's photo on it above the inscription, Miss Me Yet?
• The GAO said President Obama broke the law trading five Taliban prisoners for Sgt. Bo Bergdahl. What a close call. President Obama could have been in Ferguson when the world learned he broke the law and confronted by police, but he was safe and secure in Golf Cart One.
• The NFL Commissioner's office debated whether to fine or suspend players for marijuana use during the season Friday. It gives no football player a competitive advantage. The only way marijuana is a performance-enhancing drug if someone places a Moon Pie on the goal line.
• The Cleveland Browns named Johnny Manziel second team quarterback Tuesday. He will hold the clipboard and wear headphones. Lloyds of London just refused to insure the Browns against Johnny Manziel chewing through electrical cord and frying himself by the third quarter.
• Bank of America paid a seventeen billion dollar fine Thursday for selling toxic securities before the market crash. The bank's merger with Merrill Lynch got the operation rolling. B of A just merged with America's prostitutes so they can screw the American people more efficiently.
• Joe Biden soared in the presidential polls last week among Democrats who are not happy with Hillary. We all love him as a gaffe machine. Back when Joe Biden was in college, a friend gave him a brownie with marijuana in it, but it was a huge waste because Joe couldn't keep it lit.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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