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Jewish World Review August 25, 2014 / 29 Menachem-Av, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Egypt's foreign minister issued a communique from Cairo Thursday calling on the United States to show respect for the protesters and rioters in Ferguson, Missouri. That completely makes it official. After six years of Hope and Change you can't tell the Mideast from the Midwest.
• Al Sharpton got carried away addressing the Ferguson protesters Thursday, telling them they were liberators not looters. He's a genius at twisting the day's news to frighten his followers. Last night, Al Sharpton warned the protesters in Ferguson that ice water causes ALS.
• President Obama interrupted his vacation to go on TV Wednesday to denounce ISIS and order airstrikes. He ripped into the enemy, ordered executive action, then played eighteen holes of golf. Isn't the whole idea of a vacation to get away from your regular everyday routine?
• The New York Times ripped President Obama for going golfing after he announced the murder of the U.S. reporter in Iraq by ISIS. He went straight from the podium to join his foursome on the first tee. It's so sad, foursomes had a completely different meaning when Clinton was president.
• The Pentagon said that U.S. Special Forces helicoptered into eastern Syria in July to try to rescue U.S. hostages held by ISIS. The chopper's landing area is still surrounded by footprints that look like golf cleat marks. President Obama insisted there would be no boots on the ground.
• New York Yankees officials announced Thursday that metal detectors will be installed at all Yankee Stadium entrances to keep guns out of the ballpark. Fan safety comes first. Once inside, the team plans to continue selling sixteen-ounce beers and souvenir bats to New Yorkers.
• Hillary Clinton's office confirmed reports she will be flying to Iowa next month to speak at an Iowa dinner. Pundits said it's a sign she's running for president. Of course Hillary's running for president, otherwise the only time a New Yorker flies to Iowa is if the plane crashes.
• The Los Angeles City Council announced Tuesday it will hold the city's first-ever Riverboat Race on the L.A. River. All we need now is a river that has water in it. A Riverboat Race in Los Angeles is the biggest example of California drought denial this side of the Ice Bucket Challenge.
• Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's re-election chances improved dramatically Thursday when his main rival dropped out of the mayor's race. His life is improving a lot since he got sober. Last night Rob Ford drank a dozen non-alcoholic beers and on the way home he got into a fake fight.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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