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Jewish World Review August 12, 2014 / 16 Menachem-Av, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama's address to the nation on Iraq was delayed by a security breach on the North Lawn of the White HouseThursday. A toddler had crawled in through the fence. The Secret Service patted him down and found his diaper full of the government's approval ratings.
• President Obama ordered air strikes on ISIS to try to stop ISIS from controlling the Mosul Dam Friday. Democrats applauded the strike. They say President Bush attacked Iraq just for the oil to run our cars while President Obama's attacking Iraq for the electricity to run our cars.
• The White House blamed Anwar-al-Malaki's government in Baghdad for the chaos in Iraq this past week. You can't make it up. The U.S. would love to have a leader in Iraq who could crush ISIS, oppose Iran, hold the country together and keep the oil flowing, but we hanged him.
• President Obama's bombing announcement Friday interrupted a Kate Upton segment on ABC while she was talking about her body. Viewers were infuriated. Everyone thought they gave President Obama a blank check to do whatever he wants just to avoid such interruptions .
• The Washington Post ran an article on Friday detailing how often President Obama has been late to scheduled press briefings. So far he has been late a total of thirty-five hours during this year alone. The president blamed it on the slow play of the foursomes ahead of him.
• The CDC said Friday that preventing Ebola from spreading to the U.S. is easy. People can relax. Experts agree the best way to wipe out Ebola is to identify the infected, prepare the infected for travel, and then book them on a Malaysian Airlines flight to pretty much anywhere.
• NBA star Paul George of the Indiana Pacers suffered a severely broken leg when he fell during a Team USA scrimmage. Luckily there's a bright side. Because Paul George was playing for Team USA, the Veterans Administration just offered to fix his broken leg in under six years.
• South Africa's Oscar Pistorious's murder case went to his judge Friday. He claims he shot his fiancee four times through the bathroom door thinking she was a burglar, right after neighbors heard them arguing. If convicted, he could be suspended up to two games by the NFL.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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