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Jewish World Review August 8, 2014 / 12 Menachem-Av, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Nixon Tapes is out by Doug Brinkley revealing more of Nixon's Oval Office tapes that caused him to resign forty years ago today. His recorded language was angry, sexist and full of N-words. Today there is a statue of Nixon in Detroit honoring him as the Father of Rap Music.
• Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch was arrested for selling steroids to pro athletes Tuesday in Florida. It explains a lot of great sports performances. Today, whenever Lance Armstrong tells audiences that beating cancer made him stronger, they practically laugh him off the stage.
• Black Jesus is a new comedy on Cartoon Network that has Jesus as a black man hanging out with misfits in South Central L.A. It invites outrage. Think of the pulpits that'll rattle when Black Jesus feeds the five thousand with only five joints of marijuana and three bowls of crack.
• John Kerry was ripped for bringing Israel's enemies Qatar and Turkey into the cease-fire talks between Israel and Hamas. It's hard to understand why Israel is suspicious. Hamas is calling for death to all Jews and John Kerry's just trying to get the Israelis to meet them halfway.
• USA Today reported that Russian computer hackers stole the user names, passwords and e-mail addresses of a billion people around the world on Tuesday. They didn't waste any time. The next morning, a billion people received e-mails for vodka-flavored penile-enlargement pills.
• The CDC set up quarantine stations in international airports for Ebola victims. A serum from tobacco plants has been successful on it. If Ebola really starts to spread, the Surgeon General's warning on each pack of cigarettes will tell you to smoke like your life depends on it.
• President Obama announced he's giving thirty-three billion dollars to African nations to expand trade and provide electricity. Obama also said he wants to promote continental integration. Even in Africa Democrats feel compelled to force Kenya to go to school with Nigeria.
• Joe Biden goofed again Tuesday while he was speaking at the African Leaders Summit at the White House. During his speech, Joe repeatedly assured African leaders of U.S. support for the nation of Africa. Every time that Joe Biden loses his train of thought, there are no survivors.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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