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Jewish World Review August 19, 2013 / 13 Elul, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Egypt spiraled out of control as Muslim Brotherhood rioters sacked Coptic Christian churches and looted stores Friday. This time the White House didn't blame it on an ant- Muslim video. This uprising has Muslim outrage over a rodeo clown written all over it.
• The Missouri State Fair rodeo banned a rodeo clown for life Friday for making fun of Obama. There's little public concern for the performer. It's just white people's luck that their first civil rights hero was a
rodeo clown who refused to sit on the back of the bull.
• President Obama interrupted his vacation at Martha's Vineyard to address the chaos in Egypt Thursday. His concern was real. The moment Obama was told that churches were being burned and stores looted, he asked the next three groups if he could play through.
• The NFL ran player surveys Tuesday to see if the league should test for Human Growth Homone. Athletes always want an edge. During this year's annual race in New York to the roof of the Empire State Building, one of the competitors tested positive for elevator.
• An English Sheepdog was found walking through the customs terminal at JFK airport in New York Wednesday with five pounds of wrapped cocaine sewn inside his abdomen. It was a little obvious to everyone in the terminal. You think your dog likes to sniff himself.
• The Los Angeles Board of Education announced Monday Los Angeles kids just tested lower in English, math, and science in standardized tests. That's the bad news. The good news is L.A. schoolkids won the National Shooting Bee for the twelfth consecutive year.
• General Wesley Clark joined General David Petraeus and General Colin Powell in the admission of infidelity Monday. It's become a military tradition. If Nathan Hale stood on the scaffold today, he would say he regrets that he has but one wife to leave for his country.
• The NBC mini series starring Diane Lane as Hillary Clinton was reportedly optioned to Fox for production Friday. The roster of co-stars is not complete. Casting directors are looking in every bank in Little Rock for the right sack of cash to play the love of her life.
• George Clooney released trailers for Monuments Men about a World War II unit who retrieve priceless artwork from the Nazis. It's a thriller. They enter Hitler's bunker just before the Russians arrive and save his favorite painting, Four Dogs Breaking Windows.
• Fort Hood shooter Major Nidal Hasan told his court-martial trial he murdered thirteen U.S. servicemen to protect the Taliban. He still has the liberties of an American. Thanks to deregulation, if Hasan gets the death penalty he gets to choose his own electric company.
• NSA fugitive Ed Snowden's father flew to Moscow Monday to try to bring his son home to the U.S. It wouldn't affect U.S. policy. President Obama ordered greater oversight of the NSA surveillance program, which means the drones will be flying a hundred feet higher.
• Pakistan began building an amusement park and a zoo in the town of Abbotobad last week where the Osama bin Laden raid took place. The habitats suit the environment. They are building a world class zoo, but you won't be able to see the seals until it's too late.
• Greece's prime minister was at the White House last week seeking financial aid after the Greek government defaulted on its bonds. The money invested in Greece has been reinvested in much safer bonds. They pay fifteen percent tax-free if the Confederacy wins the war.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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