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Jewish World Review August 9, 2013 / 3 Elul, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama went on the Tonight Show Tuesday and took questions from the host on important national security issues. He insisted there's no spying by the NSA on American phone calls. It got a bigger laugh than anything Jay said in the monologue.
• President Obama canceled a summit with Vladimir Putin over Russia giving asylum to NSA leaker Ed Snowden. This is easy. If President Obama wants Ed Snowden back in U.S. custody, he should tell Putin that Snowden is gay, and he'll be on the next plane to America.
• Breaking Bad returns Sunday about Albuquerque science teacher Walter White, who becomes a crystal meth cook and major drug distributor. It's messy. In this season's storyline, White gets what's coming to him and he's named team physician for the New York Yankees.
• Washington's Congressional Cemetery imported one hundred goats to landscape the graves of U.S. Congressmen Tuesday. A billygoat is a natural scavenger that'll eat anything and can jump a twenty-foot fence to have sex. This isn't lawn-mowing, this is reincarnation.
• George W. Bush is fine after having a stent put in his artery to relieve a heart blockage Tuesday. Everyone in the media was nice to him. Fox News sent a get-well bouquet to his hospital room and MSNBC sent him two chili dogs with extra cheese and steak fries.
• The New York Yankees reported a huge spike in ticket demands for Alex Rodriguez's return-home game in Yankees Stadium tonight. He's playing much better. His first game back Monday he hit a bloop single to left, and if he had been on steroids, he would have flied out.
• The U.S. and Britain evacuated our embassies in Yemen Tuesday amid the chatter by al-Qaeda of a pending attack. The sense of urgency was real. President Obama said we have got al-Qaeda on the run and if they beat us to the airport there's no way out of Yemen.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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