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Jewish World Review Aug 16, 2012 / 28 Menachem-Av, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The CDC released a list of the twelve states with the highest obesity rates in America Tuesday. They're all Southern states. When Rhett Butler warned everyone at the Wilkes plantation that all the South had was cotton and arrogance, he forgot to mention fried food.
Democrats released a photo of Paul Ryan holding up a rifle next to the deer he'd just killed in the woods. It's honorable to display your weapon. Californians frequently pose next to the deer they just killed and in the photograph you can see they're still texting.
Paul Ryan's daily fitness and nutrition routine was detailed in USA Today Tuesday. It is a brutal regimen giving him a six percent body fat. When Republicans are asked for their plan to replace ObamaCare, no one will be happy to hear that it's Eat Right and Exercise.
Chelsea Clinton told Vogue Tuesday she has decided to embrace her inheritance and family legacy. Just what that means is open to speculation. Her parents thought that it meant she is running for office and her husband thought she was already cheating on him.
President Obama urged Iowa voters Monday to tell Paul Ryan to pass the farm relief bill in Congress. The House already passed the farm relief bill. It's stalled in the Senate, where Democrats are waiting for Barack Obama to point at the clouds and order it to rain.
Joe Biden told black people in Virginia Tuesday that Mitt Romney will put the chains back on them. He used an old plantation dialect. The administration's willingness to start a civil war indicates they have must have solved the California-to-New York supply problem.
The TSA's pre-flight interview screening at Boston was ripped by Muslims, Hispanics and blacks. And that's apart from complaints about agents groping women. The TSA started as a plan to stop al-Qaeda attacks and in ten years it's become an East German Checkpoint for Charlies.
President Obama talked wind energy while campaigning in Iowa Tuesday. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney talked coal power in Ohio. The presidential candidates are spending so much time in the five swing states that the residents are sorry they ever took up wife swapping.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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