Jewish World Review August 13, 2008 / 12 Menachem-Av 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
John Edwards said Friday he didn't commit adultery until he was sure his wife's cancer was in remission. It made headlines worldwide. One day history will record that World War III began when Russia invaded Georgia and nobody noticed for three days.
Brett Favre drew four thousand fans Sunday to his first New York Jets training camp practice. He obeyed the team rule and ran a penalty lap after he made one mistake. This must be how President Bush hurt his knee halfway through his first term.
Barack Obama released a statement from Hawaii Monday after he was chased down by reporters for reaction to the Russian Army's invasion of Georgia. Obama has been accused of acting like he's the president. Sure enough, when the crisis hit he was on vacation.
Barack Obama ran a new ad Monday describing John McCain as a celebrity. It had to be careful. You can't put John McCain in an ad with Paris or Britney without a disclaimer saying that you should ask your doctor if you're healthy enough to have sex.
Paddy Harrington won the PGA in Detroit Sunday when weather forced the golfers to play thirty-six holes the last day. Detroit automakers loved it. Each golfer came crawling up the thirty-sixth fairway calling out for his Buick like it was water.
Cal Berkeley scientists invented a first-ever invisibility device for the Army Monday that bends light around objects. The technology makes things invisible to the naked eye. With a little refinement it could be the answer to our obesity epidemic.
Hillary Clinton backers said Monday they want an open convention, a roll-call vote, and a superdelegate recount. After that they say whoever wins, wins. The whole thing's a plot to try to get a photo of Michelle Obama carrying a machine gun for real.
The Democratic Convention planners decided Monday to allow vendors to sell any souvenir or food. Expect a painting of John Edwards, Jesse Jackson, Eliot Spitzer and Bill Clinton sitting at a card table. It's the latest depiction of Four Dogs Playing Poker.
John Edwards's mistress Rielle Hunter was revealed Friday to have been a disco party girl decades ago. That's why the Enquirer followed him. No one bought John Edwards's initial story that he slept with a cokehead because it's on his bucket list.
John Edwards said Friday he cheated on his wife while she was fighting illness to travel and campaign for him. Women were appalled nationwide. There's no telling how many marriages may have been saved by the realization that there's worse out there.
© 2007, Argus Hamilton