Jewish World Review August 24, 2005 / 19 Menachem-Av, 5765
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
The Rolling Stones decided not to play their anti-war song
Sweet Neo-Con when they opened in Boston Sunday. The tour is
sponsored by a bank. They are going to need all that money to buy
a pro-war song from Toby Keith when they get to Texas.
The Automobile Club said Monday gas prices rose thirty cents
per gallon just last month. New fortunes are being made. Courtney
Love could easily become the richest woman in Los Angeles due to
the length of time she won't be allowed to drive.
Hunter Thompson's ashes were fired from a one-hundred-fifty-
foot-high cannon in Colorado Sunday. They fell on the mountains
above his ranch. He will have a whole new generation of followers
when the coca bushes begin sprouting next spring.
Anheuser Busch launched a responsible-drinking ad campaign
Monday. These new commercials show young men going home after two
beers. There was more truth in advertising when they were allowed
to put marbles in the bottom of the vegetable soup.
Florida State announced Monday it will appeal the NCAA's
attempt to get rid of their Seminole mascot. The trial won't last
long. The university has the backing of the Seminole tribe of
Oklahoma, and these days oil nations pretty much call the tune.
Connecticut sued the federal government over the No Child
Left Behind Act. State officials say the federal government has no
right to tell them how to run their schools. The people of Alabama
haven't laughed this hard since Hee-Haw was canceled.
Pierce Brosnan told Entertainment Weekly Thursday that the
producers of the James Bond movies fired him over the phone. The
issue was his advanced age. They were very disappointed in the low
box office numbers from his last Bond movie, License to Fish.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2005, Argus Hamilton