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Jewish World Review August 26, 2004 / 9 Elul, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Scream was stolen from an Oslo art museum, triggering a worldwide manhunt for the masterpiece. The horrified expression on the face on the painting is just unforgettable. Never price a house in California with a painter standing nearby.

Dick Cheney shocked a town hall meeting in Iowa Tuesday when he endorsed gay marriage. The pressure was just too much. Dick Cheney has been showing signs of cracking up ever since President Bush said that the oil belongs to the Iraqi people.

Swift Boat Veterans claimed John Kerry lied about his heroics in Vietnam. He did earn his Purple Heart. No one wants to say he was campaigning for president on the battlefield, but he insisted the Viet Cong only shoot him from his best side.

John Kerry told the Daily Show Tuesday he wished Teresa got royalties every time someone used ketchup. He was trying to cheer her up. When the role of G-d went to Ellen DeGeneres in a remake of "Oh God", every one of Teresa's friends told her she had been robbed.

Howard Dean gave a speech to the International Union of Painters meeting in Washington D.C. Tuesday. It didn't exactly go as planned. He sat completely still on a white horse for three hours before he realized that these were house painters.

Osama bin Laden's chef was arrested in a Muslim seminary in Karachi. He just learned something alarming in school. The Revised Standard Koran says that when Osama bin Laden dies there will be seventy-two Virginians waiting for him in heaven.

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