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Jewish World Review August 23, 2004 / 6 Elul, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | American Evita is a book by Christopher Andersen that aims to expose Hillary Clinton. (Click HERE to purchase. Sales help fund JWR.) It says she beat her husband over his infidelity. Whenever he appeared in public with a black eye or facial lacerations you knew he was having a good week.

New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey resigned after admitting he's gay but refused Tuesday to leave office before November. He infuriated race car drivers. From now on every time the announcer says they are driving with a governor on them, people will talk.

The Los Angeles Times asked a court to unseal the probate records of Teresa Heinz Kerry's first husband Jack Heinz. He was a Republican senator who died in a small plane crash and left a billion dollars to his widow, who married a Democratic senator who happens to be an expert pilot. This is the point in Columbo when Peter Falk suddenly turns around and tells John Kerry he has just one more question.

The Dallas Cowboys will ask Arlington voters on Election Day to pass a bond issue to build a new stadium. It's time. The old playing surface looks like a dirt field because in thirty years they sniffed all the white lines and smoked all the grass.

The Athens Olympics Games suffered from low fan attendance last week. Nobody trusts the athletes to be performing drug free. It was clear that steroids were a problem when just before the Olympic baseball opener, Bob Costas won the home-run derby.

Bill Clinton disappointed his many fans by turning down an offer by producer Lorne Michaels to host Saturday Night Live the weekend before the presidential election this November. He's just too busy. After all, Saturday night is date night.

John Edwards arrived in New Orleans Wednesday and gave a speech to workers at a job training center, where he discussed workers' rights. The trial lawyer's appearance was highly anticipated. Sharks are the first to show up after a hurricane.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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