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Jewish World Review August 4, 2004 /17 Menachem-Av, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports
And now for the
important news .... | Major League Baseball is set to announce whether the Montreal Expos are moving to Las Vegas or Washington D.C. It's no contest. Due to the game's wholesome family image baseball can't possibly have a team in Sin City, so it's going to be Las Vegas.

Roger Clemens was kicked out of his son's game Monday for spitting sunflower seeds at the umpire. And rightfully so. The umpire was hit by seeds clocked at ninety miles an hour on the radar gun and John Kerry's gotten Purple Hearts for less

The New York Times said Tuesday the red alert for New York's financial center buildings was based on four-year-old information. It should have been obvious the document was out of date. The World Trade Center didn't even have a check mark by it.

John Kerry got no bump in the polls Monday after a convention that trumpeted his heroic service in Vietnam. Americans prefer happy endings. John Kerry's fight in a losing cause in Vietnam was no match for President Bush's victory over alcohol.

John Kerry demanded Monday that President Bush call Congress into special session to adopt the suggestions of the September 11th Commission. Bad idea. By the time Congress is through with it the new Director of Intelligence will be a dam in Idaho.

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