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Jewish World Review July 15, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Britney Spears' new conservator said Britney's father spent two million of Britney's money to try to remain her conservator. A judge has ruled Britney is not mentally competent to be a rock star. If she flunks one more cognitive evaluation, she could be the next President of the United States.
• Sydney extended its home and business shutdown Monday as cases of the Delta variant swept across Australia. Meanwhile, overwhelming evidence is mounting that Covid was created in the Wuhan laboratory. It's too bad the virus wasn't made in Vegas, maybe it would have stayed in Vegas.
• The NCAA agreed to comply with court orders allowing college athletes to make ad money off their presence on social media. I can believe that courts would allow college athletes to profit from their social media following. What I cannot believe is that colleges would allow capitalism on campus.
• Havana was the site of a massive freedom rally Sunday staged by angry protestors against the socialist regime and its controls. The Cuban government clamped down Monday and kicked the entire country off social media. Donald Trump just added everybody in Cuba to his class-action suit.
• President Biden called Voter ID the greatest threat to our democracy since the Civil War this week. It ignited my family pride. My line of Hamiltons lost the English Civil War, we lost the Revolutionary War, we lost the American Civil War, and in the War on Drugs, I fought for Colombia.
• Pew Research reports ninety-seven percent of Americans own a cell phone, eighty-five percent own a smart phone. If you ask me, they own us. The other night, I updated my Samsung phone software, and now I'm missing a bunch of photos, fifty dollars from my dresser, and my favorite pants.
• The Pentagon is reportedly concerned about the development of a hypersonic nuclear missile by Red China's Navy. Rocket experts say it would only take forty minutes for this missile to get to Los Angeles from Red China. That's faster than it takes a car to get to Los Angeles from Los Angeles.
• The White House formed a panel of Democratic financial experts to assess the effect of global warming on investments, and vice versa. Skepticism is fierce. However Democrats think if they can remind Republicans that polar bears are white, they'll finally do something about climate change. • The History Channel reports Alexander Graham Bell also invented the cell phone in the 1880s but it would much later take fiber optics and satellites to make them practicable. On March 10th, 1876, Bell made the first phone call. Thirty minutes later he was notified that his car warranty had expired. • Cosmo forecast online dating will come back huge as the country opens back up after a fifteen month shutdown. I hate it when I'm reminded to stay in my lane. Last night, I received an Internet pop-up ad saying that older women in my area want to know if I've been messing with the thermostat. • Tyson Foods blamed the nationwide chicken shortage on underperforming roosters. I once got stuck driving behind a truckload of Tyson chickens headed for slaughter and I saw two of the chickens behind the wiring having sex. It was a reminder to all of us to live every day like it's our last. • London's Medical Journal Lancet predicts a new generation of brain drugs lay on the horizon that could halt the spread or prevent the onset of dementia in older people. Some of us have a lot of memories stored upstairs. I'm old enough to remember when water was free and porn cost money. • San Franciscans are petitioning to restore the statue of General Grant torn down by protestors last year. It showed ignorance of history. If the Leftists had only known that Grant loved whiskey, took liquid cocaine and killed Confederates, they would have climbed up on the statue and polished it.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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