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Jewish World Review July 15, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Wall Street Journal attributed the big comeback by the New York stock market to the economy's amazing ability to adjust to business conditions and mine new opportunities. For instance, I'm already seeing ads online, in newspapers and on television for back-to-school clothes. It's all pajamas.
• Education Secretary Betsy DeVos went on offense, calling for U.S. schools to open up and provide kids a quality pre-college education. Educators should be embarrassed by the need to dumb-down or eliminate the SAT test. When our country was founded in 1925 people were smarter.
• Cadbury Chocolate Bars announced Friday it will celebrate racial diversity by creating a new candy bar arriving soon called the Unity Bar. The Unity candy bar will consist of four different colored chocolates. To honor the transgender community, the candy bar may self-identify as a salad.
• Johnny Depp's libel suit against the London Sun has revealed his life of personal debauchery in L.A. He's the one Generation X-er I think should have been a Baby Boomer. Johnny Depp was tested before entering the courthouse Monday and tested positive for everything but the Corona Virus.
• The Department of Transportation advised that foreign travel bans against Americans gives us the chance to see all the beautiful sites here in the U.S. But in a dangerous year like this, selecting which state to visit is like picking wild mushrooms. Stay away from the ones surrounded by dead flies.
• Redfield and Wilton Strategies pollsters released the first presidential poll of voters since Kanye West announced he's running. It's a snapshot. The poll gives Joe Biden forty-eight percent leading Trump with forty percent, and Kanye West attracting two percent, tied with Skim Milk.
• The FBI reports Ghislaine Maxwell is required to wear a paper dress in jail to reduce her ability to commit suicide before she testifies. I can just hear next week's coroner's report. Maxwell was completely safe inside her paper dress until she tripped over a rock and fell on top of a pair of scissors.
• The Natural History Museum website reported that summer heat is causing Britain and North America to be invaded by False Widow Spiders. They are not poisonous and are not lethal. I'd say the worst thing about being bitten by a deadly poisonous spider is that you're probably Australian.
• President Trump hinted he might sign an executive order allowing DACA recipients a pathway to citizenship. It allows Latin American kids stranded at the border four years ago to remain in the U.S. It also immediately makes the U.S. soccer team a contender for the 2026 World Cup.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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