• President Trump demanded the U.S. Senate postpone their vacation until they are able to fulfill their promise to repeal Obamacare and replace it. He said U.S. senators don't deserve a vacation until they do the people's business. The senators say this is what happens when the people elect an outsider.
• O.J. Simpson will be a free man in October after he was granted parole Thursday. Washington saw the story through its own lens. CNN believes the Russians have offered O.J. a job hacking U.S. elections for Trump, while Nancy Pelosi criticized the decision in Nevada to parole Homer Simpson.
• The Nevada Parole Board elicited a public apology from O.J. Simpson for his part in the Vegas hotel room robbery. He convinced them it was just a bungled attempt to retrieve his stolen property. O.J. seemed to win the parole when he assured the people of Nevada that he's a murderer, not a thief.
• O.J. Simpson will be moving to Florida upon his release in October along with his past baggage of domestic violence, murder, armed robbery and kidnapping. Residents of the Sunshine State have been urged to remain calm. It's not like O.J.'s going to make Florida any worse than it already is.
• Jay-Z released a song ripping O.J. Simpson for saying he's not black, he's O.J., Tuesday. The Juice has to hang around white people once he returns home to Florida. O.J. can't hang around black people, because he can't be seen with felons and under Florida law, all black people are felons.
• Attorney General Jeff Sessions said Thursday he's honored to serve Trump despite his tongue-lashing. He said he'll stay on the job. Watching a Southerner named after two Confederate generals getting whipped by his master is the only thing that Hollywood likes about the Trump administration.
• The Chicago City Council just passed a resolution establishing Chicago as a sanctuary city for the Syrian refugees fleeing the war zone in their home country. Has anybody watched the news lately? Chicago isn't just a sanctuary city for Syria war refugees, it's a continuing education seminar.
• President Trump blamed Fake News for trying to incite a firestorm over an off-the-record chat he had with Vladimir Putin at the G-20 dinner. The media won't rest till they get him. O.J. Simpson may be paroled any day, prompting CNN to report that Nicole was secretly seeing Trump.
• President Trump addressed a White House lunch for GOP senators and told them to pass the GOP healthcare plan they can't agree on. It looks pretty chaotic. The CBO just scored the bill and reported that the only way to save the GOP healthcare plan is to enroll it in Obama Care.
• GOP Majority Leader Mitch McConnell scheduled a Senate vote on the GOP health care bill. He has to add pork sweeteners to change several of the votes. The Home Shopping Channel should merge with C-SPAN so that you can buy a U.S. senator in the privacy of your own home.
• Congress heard testimony revealing the U.S. Postal Service gave employees time off to campaign for Hillary for president last year. She was their gal. E-mailing has almost put the Postal Service out of business, and Hillary was a two-year commercial about the dangers of e-mailing.
• Attorney General Jeff Sessions reversed Obama's policy by renewing seizure of assets of drug dealers in federal cases. The assets are then sold or put to use by the U.S. government. The question now is, do we have the decency to name the Desert Southwest's new subway system after El Chapo?
• China announced that China's government cyber-technicians have been ordered to remove all images of Winnie the Pooh from the Internet the Chinese are allowed to see. It's because Winnie looks like their president. Wouldn't it be a lot easier if their president just put on some pants?
• Secretary of Education Betsy DeVoss is targeting Common Core curriculum in grade schools because its lessons are all leftist. That's true. Common Core teaches that Jack and Jill went up the hill to live in a gated community and that the Three Little Pigs shot and killed an unarmed black man.
• Venezuela's socialist president Nicolas Maduro was threatened with U.S. sanctions Friday. The country has no food, bad water, no medical supplies or any toilet paper. Their Socialism under Glass display is going to be the centerpiece of the Bernie Sanders Presidential Library and Museum.
• The New York Times kept up its barrage of Russia stories aimed at nailing Trump. It never ends. An optimist sees a glass as half-full, a pessimist sees it half empty, while the New York Times sees that glass as symptomatic of the institutional racism that exists in American society today.
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