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Jewish World Review July 21, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
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• The New Horizons spacecraft sent back stunning photos of the dwarf planet Pluto all last week showing mountains and ice in full detail. However, it's sent back no photographs of the spacecraft. When the New Horizons was launched in a more-innocent time nine years ago, selfies were unheard of.
• Prime Minister David Cameron asked the media to refer to ISIS as ISIL after the Islamic State upgraded its name to include the entire Levant. Rap starts do it all the time. Last year, Snoop Dogg decided to upgrade his name to Snoop Lion and the next day, Ice T changed his name to Arnold Palmer.
• Starbucks announced Thursday it's set to open stores in fifteen inner-city middle-class and poor neighborhoods. How decent of them. This will give the middle-class people in those inner city areas the chance to buy coffee at a Starbucks every morning and work their way back down to being poor again.
• Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman's mile-long escape tunnel was shown on TV as a marvel of hand-dug engineering. It's so good, it's embarrassing. Democrats are moving to eliminate the word tunnel from the public vernacular and replace it with the phrase subterranean pathway to citizenship.
• The Veterans Administration told Congress that its VA hospitals are so backed up with patients that they could be facing a permanent backlog. The quality of care varies by region and city. For example at the VA Hospital in L.A., if your x-rays show you have a broken rib, they fix it with Photoshop.
• Mexico's escaped drug lord Joaquin Guzman threatened to kill Donald Trump for his remarks disparaging Mexicans. Perhaps his honor has been satisfied. When he heard the threat, Donald Trump quickly insisted if he were any more pro-Hispanic, candy would come out of him when you hit him with a stick.
• Hillary Clinton fell to thirty-nine percent approval rating in CNN's latest poll Tuesday. Negative responders cited her as being untrustworthy and unlikeable. If this downward trend continues, it could knock her out of the race and end the Clinton dream of being America's first two-impeachment family.
• The British government on Tuesday urged British tourists to leave Tunisia, warning that further terrorist attacks are highly likely in the shaky Muslim nation. The warning fell on deaf ears. It's really hard to talk common sense into anybody who picked Tunisia as a vacation destination in the first place.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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