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Jewish World Review July 9, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Finding Your Roots was shelved by PBS for caving in to Ben Affleck's demand that they edit the fact they discovered that he descended from slave owners who fought for the Confederacy. He was right to panic. WalMart, Amazon, and Sears just announced they will stop selling Ben Affleck products.
• Independence Day arrived with the popular mood turning sour on the nation's future. Last week a poll said that fewer people say they are extremely proud to be an American. That's because it's increasingly difficult for pollsters to go around the country and find people who are actually Americans.
• European leaders met in Brussels Tuesday to discuss what to do about Greece's debt after Greek voters decided to refuse austerity terms from the European Central Bank to help them pay it off. How low is their credit rating now? Greece just put Brian Williams' portrait on their government bonds.
• The Greek people thumbed their noses at Europe Sunday and voted not to pay billions that they owe the Germany-controlled Central European Bank. Now the Germans are suddenly outraged. As if the threat of ISIS attack isn't scary enough for the world to worry about, Frankenstein just woke up.
• Daytona Speedway was awash in Confederate flags on the infield for the NASCAR race Sunday as thousands more were waved by fans in the grandstands. Network TV reporters from New York and Washington were exasperated at the sight. They said it's like we're living in two different countries.
• Hillary Clinton infuriated reporters covering her at a July Fourth parade in New Hampshire by forcing them to stand behind a rope away from the street. She needed a little me-time. She had just heard Greece is about to run out of all its cash reserves, meaning she'll never give a speech in Greece.
• Jeb Bush led a parade of GOP candidates including Rick Perry and George Pataki to denounce Donald Trump for his remarks ripping illegal immigrants from Mexico. The chorus is growing. The GOP race could be the first circus parade in history where the elephants sweep up after the clowns.
• People magazine published newly found photos of Jack Kennedy and family in the White House Monday. He looks happy and devoted. Young people raised in the era of TMZ won't believe it, but there was a time in this country when a Democrat could go to confession and that would be the end of it.
• The Weather Channel reported a record-breaking heat wave is sweeping Europe this week with one hundred degree temperatures baking Central Europe. Germans are sweating like they've never sweated before. They swear if they can make it through this week, they'll never buy Greek bonds again.
• Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallan said the Ten Commandments display will remain on the state Capitol grounds pending appeal. It's funny. If Moses ever thought the Ten Commandments might need a sanctuary city, you'd guess he'd have picked Jerusalem, but they're a lot safer in Oklahoma City.
• San Francisco arraigned the criminal illegal who murdered Kathryn Steinle as she strolled the Embarcadero with her dad. The five-time deportee lived there under the city's sanctuary law. The South Carolina legislature just voted to lower the Mexican flag that flies over San Francisco City Hall.
• Paula Deen posted a photo of herself made-up like Lucy Ricardo and her son Bobby made up in brown-face as Ricky Ricardo. It got an angry corporate reaction. They've gotten rid of the Confederate flag, now WalMart just stripped the cosmetic shelves of every makeup shade darker than Julie Andrews.
• The Arizona Star ripped the fourteen-foot-high fence along the U.S.-Mexican border in Arizona Monday. They said the immigrants are breaking bones when they land on U.S. soil. The U.S. immigration policy for admitting Cubans is wet-foot dry-foot while the Mexican policy is broken-foot sprained-ankle.
• American Pharoah owners announced Tuesday the Triple Crown winner's stud fee will be two hundred thousand dollars per session per mare. That's a new record. It just confirms the suspicions of NFL quarterbacks and left-handed pitchers that they are wasting their time doing autograph shows.
• Greece faces a Thursday deadline to give a payback plan to the European Central bank. Experts say the Greek economic collapse has put the country on par with the Great Depression or a country at war. In other words, if it gets any worse, they could find out what it's like to live in the United States.
• Greek bank depositors stood in line for hours trying to get cash Monday, the day after they voted to default on billions in loans owed to the IMF and to the European Central Bank. It's affected the flow of summer vacationers in Athens. The Tours of the Greek Ruins now start at the treasury building.
• Secretary of Defense Ash Carter admitted to the Senate Tuesday the U.S. program to recruit and train the New Syrian Army to fight ISIS has only drawn sixty volunteers. The number is sure to grow. If you're wondering what the New Syrian Army is, they're the guys we'll be fighting this time next year.
• Spain kicked off its bullfighting season Tuesday in the Running of the Bulls through Pamplona where charging beasts chased dozens of daredevils down Pamplona city streets. Some people never get the word. Never approach a bull from the front, or a horse from the rear, or an idiot from any direction.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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