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Jewish World Review July 6, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Hillary Clinton raised forty-five million in the first fundraising quarter of the campaign Friday, the most first quarter money every raised by a candidate. The campaign just hit a long pause. Now Hillary has to spend all that money on advertising or go to jail if she keeps it, and she's thinking it over.
• The White House will begin allowing White House tour visitors to take video and selfies and use social media in the building. Did they run this by the president and vice-president? Normally, comedians will not allow themselves to be taped while they're trying out that day's jokes on each other.
` • A Draft Joe Biden for President office opened up in Chicago Thursday tasked to convince the vice president to enter the presidential race. We are lucky to have him. Last year, the U.S. obtained a POW for five Taliban prisoners in a trade that originally included Joe Biden, but the Taliban said no.
• Microsoft made its new Worldwide Telescope Software available on GitHub with a powerful lens that anyone can use. Last Thursday night, Jupiter and Venus appeared almost on top of each other. This indicates that the gay marriage ruling is having a lot more impact than anyone originally thought.
• British Petroleum reached an eighteen billion-dollar settlement with Florida, Louisiana, Texas, Mississippi and AlabamaThursday due to the massive oil spill five years ago. It was a long summer. An offshore drilling rig exploded, spilling oil into the Gulf of Mexico, or as it's called today, the Dead Sea.
• President Obama was cheered at a Tennessee town hall for saying the U.S. border is being infiltrated by Mexican criminal gangs and these gangbangers must be deported as soon as possible. Now there's a pro in action. While most politicians rip Trump, the ones who read his poll numbers paraphrase him.
• California's Senate named a tunnel after Robin Williams Thursday, day a year after he was diagnosed with Parkinson's and committed suicide. My pal's humor was outrageous. If Robin were alive today he'd say if you stood at a urinal between him and Muhammed Ali, you picked a bad day to wear sandals.
• The Justice Department launched an investigation into possible collusion by the four major U.S. airlines to keep prices high. The hearing got off to an awkward start. Delta, American, United and Northwest tried to charge their lawyers fifty dollars for every briefcase they carried into the courtroom.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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