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Jewish World Review July 15, 2014 / 17 Tammuz, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The U.S. Chamber of Commerce reports a huge increase in U.S. retail franchise openings in foreign markets last year. Communication is so vital. Last week, Borders forgot to advertise it's a bookstore when they opened in Guatemala City and the stampede leveled the merchandise.
• President Obama asked Congress for four billion to give the Guatemalan kids schooling, health care and immigration lawyers. The kids are fearless. They've all heard about Michelle Obama's school lunch menu but they're willing to go through anything for a new life in America.
• Business World reports the U.S. just passed Saudi Arabia as the number one oil producer in the world. We're dealing with a finite resource. Last week, BP geologists warned that the world will run out of oil in fifty-three years, but thanks to BP, the ocean will always have plenty.
• NBA superstar LeBron James announced in Sports Illustrated Friday that he will return to the Cleveland Cavaliers four years after he famously left Cleveland for the Miami Heat. This will secure his place in history. LeBron James is now the first person ever to return to Cleveland.
• Berkeley ordered pot shops to give pot to poor people Friday. They reason that sobriety just makes you hireable, which makes you credit-worthy, which turns you into a California property owner and a Republican. If the revolution was serious, they'd get rid of AA altogether.
• Mitt Romney's friends told New York fundraisers Friday they think Mitt could run for president again. He's reportedly very upset about the reduced standing of the U.S. in the world. Mitt Romney wants to make America the kind of country that he could someday deposit his money in.
• Justin Bieber was sentenced in L.A. to two years probation, community service and a fine of eighty thousand for egging his neighbor's house. To repair Bieber's image his publicist said he may make a trip to Afghanistan for the USO. This is the Taliban's last chance for redemption.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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