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Jewish World Review July 22, 2013 / 15 Menachem-Av, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Bill Clinton was honored when the EPA named its headquarters building after him in Washington D.C.. It's hilarious. Leave it to the EPA to name its headquarters after the one president who was impeached for failure to clean up after his chemical and biological spill .
• Whitey Bulger's witnesses began dropping dead in Boston Thursday during his trial for nineteen mob murders. We must get re-focused. When the Justice Department vowed they are going to get Whitey this time, everybody assumed they meant George Zimmerman.
• Jesse Jackson in a speech Thursday expressed his outrage over Florida's Stand your Ground law and George Zimmerman's not guilty verdict, He claimed that Florida is an Apartheid state. That's ridiculous, almost all of them have been converted to condos by now.
• Al Sharpton employed organ music in his speech to the NAACP Wednesday while he called for protest marches against racial profiling. The organ music didn't seem to help. The next day Detroit was shot by a neighborhood watch captain while filing for bankruptcy.
• NFL teams open summer training camps this week as players get back in shape for the season and work on offense, defense and special teams. The NFL veterans won't engage in full contact drills. They don't wear bulletproof vests until camp breaks in August.
• San Diego's mayor Rob Filner refused to resign Thursday after more accusations of misconduct. This week he's actually going to address a benefit for sexual asssult victims. There's very little he can say to this crowd except, perhaps, how nice it is to see them again.
• Great Britain enacted a landmark new law Wednesday when Queen Elizabeth signed a bill making gay marriage legal in England. It's official. Duchess Camilla is starting to get annoyed because people keep asking her if she can can stop wearing those dresses now.
• Keith Olbermann was hired by ESPN to host a late-night talk show. He was first let go by KCBS, then by ESPN, then Fox then MSNBC, then NBC, then Current TV. If Civil War cannons had been fired as often as Keith Olbermann, our nation's capital would be Atlanta.
• House of Cards with Kevin Spacey scored many Emmy nominations Friday. It reveals the world of politics as a life of lying, manipulation, double crossing and blackmail and access granted in return for sexual favors and cash. There is also a negative side to politics.
• IRS employees testified in Congress that a White House political appointee ordered them to target conservatives They loathe conservatives. Osama bin Laden's second biggest mistake was letting Democrats catch him in satellite photos wearing a cowboy hat.
• Twinkies arrived on grocery store shelves Thursday to the joy of Twinkie lovers in the U.S. Scientists say it's the one food that can survive a nuclear war. The mothers of Baby Boomers put Hostess Twinkies in our Howdy Doody lunch boxes every day so in case the Russians attacked we wouldn't starve under the desk waiting for Khruschev to cool off.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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