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Jewish World Review July 8, 2013 / 1 Menachem-Av, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Egypt's newly-installed president addressed the nation on Cairo TV Thursday. He gave pretty much the standard plan. He promised to turn around unemployment and fix the economy and if that doesn't work, he's going to blame everything on President Bush
• Egypt's army charged President Morsi Wednesday with insulting the presidency. It's a crime for a president to insult himself? President Obama gets every crowd on his side with self-deprecating humor but this is a sign some people are getting wise to the trick.
• Washington D.C. held an Independence Day celebration at the Washington Monument Thursday after a mile-long parade honoring George Washington. We all revere him. He is the only president who never blamed all his troubles on the previous administration.
• President Obama quoted the Declaration of Independence Thursday. It complained of multitudes of new offices, swarms of officers to harass our people, and the need to promote public welfare. Somebody put the CBO report on ObamaCare on his TelePrompter.
• Donald Trump won a five million dollar judgment against a former Miss Pennsylvania for claiming his Miss USA Pageant is rigged. It was an idiotic charge devoid of reason. Never accuse the only man in history who lost money owning a casino of rigging something.
• Oil and Gas Journal reported record U.S. oil drilling this month. In addition banks are booming, Wall Street is soaring and real estate's back. Who knew that when President Obama vowed to help the little man, he meant the little man in Monopoly with the Top Hat.
• The Weather Channel said the brutal heat wave continued in the Desert Southwest Thursday. All-time high temperature records were set in Palm Springs, las Vegas and Phoenix. It's so hot in Arizona that illegal aliens are crossing the border on Slip 'n' Slides.
• O.J. Simpson celebrated his sixty-sixth birthday this weekend with his fellow inmates in Nevada Prison. He's awaiting his appeal for mistrial this week. They had a nice little birthday party for O.J. in the cafeteria and out of habit after he cut the cake he hid the knife.
• To Catch a Predator host Chris Hansen was accused by a TV news reporter of leading her to believe his marriage was over when they had a brief affair. There can be just one explanation. It's Emmy time and Chris Hansen is gunning for Least Original Screenplay.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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