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Jewish World Review July 20, 2012/ 1 Menachem-Av, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Charlie Sheen plays a former Major League Baseball player in his new sitcom Anger Management on FX. He's more interesting than the game. Baseball can't compete with Charlie Sheen as America's National Pastime until the foul lines are marked with coke.
Ralph Lauren calmed Congress over his U.S. Olympic outfits getting made in China. He vowed that in the next Games they'll be made in the U.S. We feel a lot better if fourteen-year-old Guatemalan girls sew them in America than we do if twelve-year-old girls sew them in China.
The Mississippi River was dredged and deepened by the Corps of Engineers Tuesday so the drought-stricken river can carry traffic. It deepens the channel but it disturbs everything on the river bottom. The Hoffa family is filing an injunction to halt the dredging.
The National Oceanic Lab said radioactive ocean water is heading for California from last year's nuclear accident in Japan. Everyone's upset that it's going to take five years. We have been impatiently waiting for another attack by Japan to get us out of the Depression.
President Obama was ripped Monday for saying that businesses owe their success to government-built roads. It's true. Just yesterday a businessman was about to go under when the road told him he could save a million dollars per year by manufacturing in Korea.
President Obama told a crowd in Virginia Friday that if you've been successful it's because somebody else gave you some help. This is personal with him. He would still be dogged each day by questions about his birth certificate were it not for the good people at Kinko's.
Mexico's new president vowed to help gain control of the U.S.-Mexican border. It's out of control. Statistics show that fifty percent of the guns found in Mexico come from the United States while fifty percent of the people found in the United States come from Mexico.
Anthony Weiner insisted Tuesday he has no plans to run for New York City mayor. It's only been a year since he resigned Congress after texting nude photos of himself to women. Thanks to Anthony Weiner, no pundit can ever again say that the cover-up is worse than the crime.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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